PROVOKE

IT IS VERY EASY TO
https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/provoke/
ME. REALLY…I’M QUICK TO ANGER. VERY VERY QUICK TO ANGER. EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME OR HAS EVER COME INTO CONTACT WITH ME IS AFRAID OF ME, AND THAT IS HOW I LIKE IT IF I AM TOTALLY HONEST.
THE PROMPT TODAY MADE ME THINK OF SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME WHILE I WAS IN THE PSYCH WARD A COUPLE YEARS AGO.
ONE NIGHT WE WERE FEELING PARTICULARLY BAD. I WAS OUT, AND IN A VERY BAD MOOD. I WAS ALSO REALLY SUICIDAL.
A NURSE WAS BEING ANNOYING, AND IRRITATING ME.
I GOT OUT OF BED AND STARTED PACING THE CORRIDORS. THE NURSE CHALLENGED ME ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING.
AND I LOST IT. I STARTED TRYING TO BREAK THE BATHROOM MIRROR WITH A HAIRBRUSH.
OBVIOUSLY THEY DIDNT LET ME DO THAT. THEN I TRIED TO POUR HOT COFFEE OVER MYSELF. I WAS DETERMINED TO DO DAMAGE TO MYSELF.
AFTER A WHILE A MALE NURSE CAME IN AND PUSHED ME TO THE FLOOR. BASICALLY HE USED HIS POWER AND TRIED TO TAKE ME DOWN.
WELL IF HE DID I FOUGHT BACK. HE PROVOKED ME. I LOST CONTROL AND I KICKED HIM HARD IN HIS PRIVATES. AND FROM THERE I JUST KEPT ON BEING CRAZY.
UNTIL, THEY ORDERED A SHOT AND EVEN THEN IT TOOK FOUR OF THEM TO PIN ME DOWN TO ADMINISTER THE SHOT.
AFTER THE SHOT WAS ADMINISTERED I FELL ASLEEP.
THE PROMPT TODAY JUST MADE ME THINK OF THAT NIGHT. NOT A PLEASANT NIGHT AT ALL.
LIZ

Author: Carol anne

I am in my mid 40's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

17 thoughts on “PROVOKE”

  2. What a crappy time, liz. I’m sorry you had that happen. It interests me that one of my friend’s littles is called lizzie, and she is the most physically tough and angry and self-destructive part of them. I have had to stop her from doing harm to herself quite a bit, but never by meanly crushing her onto the floor or anything. I am glad that she can finally say when she isangry, and makes sort of angry cranky noises so I know when she’s mad. Maybe lizzes and lizzies are the tough ones in the world!

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      1. Huh, our lizzie started to show up as a twin with timmy when they were three, maybe a few years back, and now they’re about five and she is much less self-destructive, which is great. I am so happy that she makes sounds now and says BOO and maybe slaps the couch or bed instead of just doing the self-destructive stuff. She is the one who wants to sleep and sleep all the time, so I can hear when it’s her yawning as opposed to one of the others.

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      2. YEAH THATS GOOD, GOOD SHES ABLE TO EXPRESS HER EMOTIONS IN THAT WAY NOW, LEXI, WHOSE SIX USED TO CUT A LOT, NOW SHE CAN EXPRESS HER FEELINGS A LITTLE MORE, I THINK KIDS HAVE AN EASIER TIME OF THAT THAN US TEEN OR THE ADULTS

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      3. It makes me feel like i have a lot of influence on the littles, and I worry that when I’m cranky they get nervous, and then I feel like that sets them back since then they think I’m not nice. I am never violent to them or in front of them or anything, not even yelling or throwing things etc., but I wish my sanity and patience and health were infinite so they could feel 100% secure about me. They worry a lot because their birth mother was depressed and not a healthy person and they got in a lot of harm due to that and they were always trying to ‘fix’ her.

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