my mood is kind of dipping. i can feel it. i feel dispondent. agitated too. and irritated. i snapped at my dad. he annoyed me. he is so OCD about everything. That irritates me when I am not in a good mood. Mom went to her moms grave with my sister. I asked her to buy me some fruit in lidles while she was out, I need fruit for the week. She said that wasnt a problem she’d do it for me. I feel bad that I couldnt go to my grammas grave, but I just couldnt do it. I just felt too depressed. Being at a grave side wouldnt be good for us right now. I can still talk to my gramma and say a prayer for her, i dont think you have to actually visit the grave to show your love for a deceased person. I surprised my niece today which did make me feel good. I gave her my old net book computer. I got a new computer recently and wasnt using this one so I thought she’d benefit from it. She was thrilled. Giving it to her and seeing her reaction did lift my mood for a little while. I cant believe the weekends almost over. Back to regular routine tomorrow, ILS course, and therapy as well.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “dipping”

  1. This post affects me deeply. Thank you for it.

    I know that absolute sensation when you know
    You are dipping.

    I have wasted this weekend. I have not bathed or dressed today.

    Part of me really doesn’t care.

    All I want to do is sleep. Tomorrow I have my volunteer job in the cafe’.

    Unstructured time is not good for me.

    I am sort of holding my breath until the week begins again.

    I also understand about going to gravesites
    Of loved ones. Some can do it. I cannot.

    I am grateful for you. Thank you for letting me talk, Carol Anne.


    1. hi leslie. you are more than welcome. always happy to hear your words and read them. I am sorry you are struggling too. Volunteering is good, I also volunteer two days a week, I love it. xoxo


  2. I think your gramma would understand you can’t visit her. In my opinion it’s good to visit your deceased close ones, but if you can’t, you’re right you can pray for her anywhere else too. And when you are depressed, being at the graveside of someone you’ve loved isn’t always the best idea. Hope you had a good start to this week and your mood lifted up.


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