eileen meets brooke

during our therapy session this week a new insider showed up. we’ve been losing time lately. over the weekend we lost a chunk of time. eileen was wondering why but i said i didnt know. but it was concerning to me.
does anyone know, she asked.
i shrugged, i dont know.
can you check inside? so i tried, but no one was talking. no ones saying anything, i told eileen.
she said she would welcome whoever it was to come out and talk to her. do you think they might, she asked? i am not sure, i guess so.
then all of a sudden things started to go fuzzy. i felt myself slipping away. i felt younger. i felt spacy and like i was fading. it felt so surreal.
my face must have showed it too. eileen started to speak softly. hi? i watched in a kinda dissociative fog.
hi was the response, a timid, shy hi.
what is your name, eileen asked? brooke. how old are you? 7, she said.
they started to talk. so you were out this weekend brooke?
yes. do you know why you had to come out?
to blank everything out…i had to stop the feelings, i had to make them ok…
oh i see, were you worried they wouldnt be ok?
yes! its scary. they get upset and then they get sad and i dont like it, the sad scares me…
she started to cry. you want a hug, eileen asked.
yeah, but you gotta come here, i dont wanna get up cuz im scared…
eileen came over and wrapped her arms around us. there there. its ok. your going to be ok. you were so brave. you are very very brave.
brooke just cried softly. i dont feel brave, i just feel scared…
she sat cuddled into eileen for about 10 minutes. i like you, your safe, she said softly.
I like you too, eileen said.
i gotta go back inside now eileen, i am tired, can i get a hug from you again soon?
of course you can, any time, eileen said softly.
and with that brooke was gone. and when I emerged back into the body, I felt confused, and a little bit sad.
lucky for me I had eileen to fill me in on what happened.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “eileen meets brooke”

  1. Thank you for sharing what it felt like to you. I think all of you are brave. I am glad Brooke got to meet Eileen and learn that she has a safe place where she can be protected for a bit without needing to protect everyone else.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s