its ok to disagree, it doesnt mean she’s leaving us

hi everyone
its emily. today i talked with eileen in therapy. i was so scared. i was scared because liz had emailed her during the week and she was angry in her email. she also lied to eileen about something, it was something small but i dont like it when she lies to eileen. it hurts her and it hurts me. it makes me feel horrible. and i know it frustrates eileen. we also had to tell eileen about avoiding the hard stuff. so i told her some of why we were doing it. she understood. she said she totally gets why liz would lie to her. after getting liz’s email eileen had called us. and challenged liz. and i got upset. th e tone of her voice upset me. i thought she’s mad at us. or frustrated. today she told me that yes she was frustrated but not mad. she ask me if its ok for her to be frustrated, does that make her bad? i said no. does it make you bad? i had to think. noooo, i guess not. no, it doesnt emily. its ok, honestly. i’m not mad, and just because i was firm and used a firm tone of voice with liz, it doesnt mean i am mad at you or leaving you ok? but i get that that is your map. i get that in the past people would get mad at you and angered and leave, walk away and abandon you. i told her about our last therapist, joan. joan basically gave me an ultimatum. she told me to stop overdosing or she’d terminate us. she left me with no choice, she took my control away. i did what she asked because i didnt want to lose her. eileen said that was very unhelpful. i dont think that was fair of her emily, maybe she couldnt deal with things, or maybe she was trying to have both of you get on the same page, but i still think it was wrong of her, she went about it all the wrong way. i get it now why my tone of voice last week on the phone upset you so much. but you know, in relationships people disagree, and the healthy thing to do is to work it out. me and liz, we were working it out. we werent fighting. i was just challenging her a little bit. but its ok, we’re ok. do you believe me? yes, i believe you eileen. i’m glad we’re ok. i’m so glad you arent leaving us. i trust you. i feel safe. you are here and you arent going anywhere.
Emily

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

19 thoughts on “its ok to disagree, it doesnt mean she’s leaving us”

  1. Emily, I’m so glad you talked it through. I’m glad there weren’t any bigger misunderstandings between you and you got each other. It really had ti be a hard session for you, but very helpful too, I believe.

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  2. Hi Emily. I’m glad Eileen was able to reassure you. Her relationship with Liz is naturally going to be different than the one with you because Liz is older and a different sort of person. You can be frustrated with a person and not drop them as a friend. I think Eileen will always be ready to hear anything you have to tell her.

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