Today I ask why

Why that man picked me

Yes Im asking why

Why could he not see

The pain and the suffering

That he would cause for me

Its just one thing after another

Its this nasty mind of mine

Memory after memory

You were way out of line

Why sir did you break me

For your own delight

Made me a target for others

Whos minds were not right

Wrong enough to hurt me

Until I couldnt take much more

Made myself a family

And to others shut the door

I have my help my system

Always there to say

Come on we can do It

Several times a day

You dont know how you scared me

Each time you came near

Even hurt me now

Enough to shed a tear

Today I really hate you

For that I dont ask why

I know its cause your sick inside

And you fucked a child dry

I cried til i could cry no more

After what you did

I cried because you made me hurt

In your perverse desperate bid

Your bid to fulfill your fantasy

Without any thought

No thought for my feelings

And from that you taught

Taught me to be tough

Not take any shit

Say no to perverts

Sick and twisted dicks

I hope you die you bastard

And I hope it hurts like fuck

Oh and I just want you to know

That what you did fucking sucks.



Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

37 thoughts on “Why?”

      1. Yuck. It is the dark of the moon and an eclipse, so maybe it is too stimulating for some. I haven’t tried to go to bed yet,s ince it maybe 6:30 pm herre now. I do hope you get good sleep or at least good rest–


      2. Oh no–I am so sorry about that. Please tell me any triggers I should avoid, on a private email if you want. I did watch carol anne’s video re: halloween so I know that brief background, but i don’t know every bit by any means. I did read a very sad and interesting book by another person with did who was a survivor of ritual abuse, and that person suffered terribly too.


      3. I find that times like full moons and eclipses and dark of moon can be really helpful to me, since the energy feels different. I have not had ritual abuse so I do not have any prograaming about them, so I just feel what feels like energetically. Sometimes it feels really oppressive to me, or sometimes I get great insights. This is considered to be the start of the Tibetan new year, tommorrw, and that for the next two weeks all that we do gets 10 million times the karma of usual. They believe we get karma for what we do, just that doing good things gets good karma and doing bad things makes bad, so for the next two weeks I will do as much good as I can and hope it helps everything. I also will do one sit-up and hope it counts for 10 million!


      4. Okay. I’m the ones where they ripped right off the bone/ligaments/whatever in both legs, so I advise watching it…just sayin. I can tell you yucky stories about it but won’t right now!


      5. No. It put me oncrutches, and then I had to run through a dorm that was on fire saving people and threw aside the crutches and the legs never got better but I got everyone out of the dorm before having a pleasant little psychotic break outside in the rain on someone steps with their dog.


      6. They had sabotaged the fire alram and stolen the fire extinguisher. Two weeks before finals in my first semester and we were all homeless. Not the best way to start a university career!


      7. My boyfriend at the time tried to go back into the burning building to find me, not knowing I got out and was over on the steps with someone’s dog in the rain at about sunrise, actually. They had to hold him back. Terrible situation.


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