i really really need to get on top of this sleep thing. but i cant. i’ve tried. believe me i’ve tried. and nothing works. i cant sleep at the right times, or rarely. when i do its because i am exhausted and just cant keep my eyes open for another second longer. last night was hell. i didnt sleep a wink. i was literally up all night. we had awful flashbacks. we did lots of things to distract. and we wrote eileen a ton of emails. i’m sure she didnt want all those emails over christmas. maybe she hasnt checked them though. she might have taken a break. but we just wrote to purge. purge everything out of our system. she’s ok with that. she has said we can. so we did. and it felt good. i was kinda secretly hoping she’d respond to me but she hasnt. my guess is she hasnt checked them. anyway. we listened to the readio, read, talked to friends via email, played on our phone. i let the kids make videos. so yeah. we did a lot to try to get through. but it was horrendous. i ended up making the kids chicken nuggets at 1:30 in the morning. so eventually after all that this morning we were finally able to sleep when it was light outside. we slept from 10 AM until 3 PM. not good. but we had to sleep and sleeping when it was bright outside seemed like the only option. but well now i’m awake, wide awake, again. and i’ll probably be up again all night. its fine for now, i mean i dont have anything i need to do tomorrow. but next week come jan 8th i will be going back to the ILS course, and I wont be able to sleep during the day. i mean, i can get a nap after class if i need to, but thats not ideal. i just really need to sort this thing out. i’m taking my meds properly but they arent helping, i dont take a sleep med though. but the lyrica has sedating properties in it, as does the epilim, depokate for those who know it as that. i’m thinking about asking dr. barry for a sleep med for a few weeks, just to get back on track again. this not sleep for days on end and then sleeping for too long is just not good. i need to be able to be awake enough to concentrate on the ILS course, and its hard when I dont sleep at night to do that. so yeah. definitely need to mention this again to dr. barry. she knows we’ve had hard times over the last couple of weeks, but i havent told her how bad its gotten. i just dont want to end up in the hospital again and i can sense that is where i’ll end up if i dont knock this thing on its head.