therapy: putting our anxietys to rest

so therapy yesterday was intense. we were so anxious going in. mosty due to friday. it was awful. insiders were panicked and we were dissociated. but eileen was great, as always. she layed so many of our anxieties to rest. she said that she did not believe that the did experts would look to take any of our support away. that they are simply coming in with another pair of eyes, looking at where things are at for us now 7 years on after initial diagnosis. that she feels we are not anywhere near ready to slow therapy down or go less often. that we have a long long way to go and that we havent really even started on the processing of memories yet, but that she felt as a system we were becoming more cohesive, and opening up more to her as time went on. she told me that the doctor who initially diagnosed me, Paul Miller, he’s a psychiatrist specialising in EMDR in northern ireland, well he is her supervisor and supervises her trauma and EMDR work, so that is good, because he already knows us and so he has a good idea of how things are for us system wise, and I felt better knowing that he was supervising eileen. she thought I’d be mad that she hadnt told me this sooner. but of course I wasnt. she told me that the funders who fund my therapy had reassured her that they would not be pulling our sessions and that this assessment was just basically to see where things were at, a sort of review. i told her about a conversation we had with dr. barry last week. basically dr. barry told me she has a list of questions to ask Remy on friday, she wants to talk to him about our attachment issues, and about how best to go about helping us to move forward because right now she feels she and us are stuck in a loop. she feels we arent secure in the attachment with us and that if we dont see her for a week or if she goes on vacation we panic and we think she is never coming back. this is true, we do. but i do think we are somewhat secure in our attachment to her. she told us of her anxieties around spacing out our apts to bi weekly, that she is afraid to do that in case we will destabilise and she doesnt want to set us back. however i told eileen yesterday i feel ready to go bi weekly now, i feel this is a good thing. its the kids, the kids dont want to, they see it as dr barry leaving them, or abandoning them. its hard for them, confusing, they see both eileen and dr. barry in similar roles, and eileen said yesterday that she feels spacing out our dr. barry apts will be a good thing because the roles wont be so blurred. she said that she feels psychiatry and therapy are similar but very different at the same time. psychiatry is about managing symptoms and meds, where as therapy and the work we are doing with her is about healing the past. i agree. she said that the kids are seeing both her and dr. barry as mom figures, when there really can only be one mother figure because otherwise it gets muddy and merky. i also agree with this. she said sometimes we need different people in different ways, and different relationships can bring us different things and get different needs met for us. it was a very good session.i felt so much better after it. i feel less worried about friday now. i feel more at ease. i am going into it with a new outlook.
carol anne

Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

3 thoughts on “therapy: putting our anxietys to rest”

  1. This sounds like a very good session, and so much was worked out surrounding the assessment and even spacing out appointments with Dr. Barry. I’m glad it helped and you are feeling better about Friday. 💟

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