Dr. Barry and me. Attachment talk

so i had my apt with dr. barry today. it was good. we talked about the upcoming did assessment. she is seeking guidance from the did specialists going forward with our treatment. basically she’s been winging it on her own for four and a half years, doing what she thinks is right, what she thinks she should be doing to treat our did. an opportunity has come up to get some guidance so she is taking it. its happening next week, on friday the 8th. it’ll be me, dr. barry, eileen, and the did specialist. today she talked to me about my feelings surrounding the assessment. i told her i was anxious. i told her one main reason i am so anxious is that i fear the did specialist saying i need to cut down on therapy, or saying something like that I’ve had too much already and i dont need so much going forward. basically i fear getting well. i fear stability. i fear losing dr. barry and eileens support. dr. barry understand my fears. she said this is an ongoing thing and we need to challenge it now because right now we are stuck. we are stuck in a loop and we cant get past it. she is seeing us weekly right now. she said today that part of her own anxiety is that she is afraid to push our appointments out further than a week apart because she is afraid of us decompressing, destabilising, etc. she said she really loves it when we’re doing well and she wants us to be ok and do well, she fears that we wont if she pushes our appointments out. she said she has seen in the past how insiders will act out, or do damage to our body, sabbotage therapy etc if they feel threatened. or like they are losing support. she said she has a list of questions for the did specialists around attachment and how to deal with the very tough aspects of attachment for a did system. she said when there are so many insiders at play its very hard as there are so many conflicting issues. i agreed. i love her honesty. i love that she felt she could say all of this to me. she said today to me that she feels we have a very good theraputic relationship. and we do. its 4 and a half years now that we’ve been seeing her. she told me today that a couple years ago she wouldnt have dreamed of saying the stuff about her own feelings to me but now she feels she can say it and we can talk about it. i love her for that. i love her for being real, letting her own emotions show and being so transparent. she said she feels we need to keep challening the attachment issues, they are ongoing, very complex, and will take a lot of work but she is hopeful that in the future we can push appointments out to first 2 and then 3 weeks and we will still feel secure in the attachment, we will know that even though we arent seeing dr. barry right there and then that she will be there for us, and she is not disappearing just because we havent seen her. right now that is the problem, we feel like she is gone for good when we dont see her. if she goes on a weeks holidays we feel like its the end of the world and we cant cope. that is the kind of thing we’re trying to change. so yeah it was a great conversation. hopefully next week the did specialist will have some ideas for how to manage it a little bit better.
carol anne

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

7 thoughts on “Dr. Barry and me. Attachment talk”

  1. I think that you have definitely made progress in the area of insiders coming out to talk to Dr. Barry and Eileen; insiders who would normally not ever put in an appearance. I can see though that you are stuck in a loop with the attachment disorder. You have so many littles in your system and to little ones, a week can be like a year. I’m also glad to see some of the grown ups deciding to take a hand in helping out. I’ll be interested to see what the DID expert thinks.

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  2. I can’t imagine the DID specialist saying you’ve had too much therapy or you need to cut down just yet. Maybe more likely a more structured approach or spreading your support over more people? Dr Barry sounds so nice though, explaining everything and putting your fears to rest.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He is wonderful that you said it’s normal to be fearful, she also said sometimes we say things without saying the words we show her without actually saying the words you show her house where anxious or fearful or worried or nervous are overwhelmed by your behaviour, it really made sense when she said it that way

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  3. A week really can feel like a year at times. Attachment stuff is so hard. I fear getting better, too, but Bea always tells me that getting better doesn’t mean losing her support, it means being able to contain things better between sessions because coping skills will improve and thresholds for tolerating challenging things will be higher and also being able to ask for support in better ways. I don’t think Dr. Barry will just disappear if you get better. 💟

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