ZOE. THERAPY TODAY

HI ITS ZOE
SO THIS MORNING I SAID I DIDNT WANT TO GO TO THERAPY. I WAS NERVOUS OF GOING? WELL I WENT. AND I’M GLAD I DID. I’M GLAD I DIDNT CANCEL. LIZ WOULDNT LET ME CANCEL. SHE SAID I NEEDED TO GO AND FACE MY FEARS. AND SO I DID.
WE TALKED ABOUT THE EMAIL I SENT HER. THE CONTENTS OF IT. SHE SAID SHE HEARD MY LONGING IN IT. HEARD MY PAIN AND THAT SHE KNOWS I AM HURTING. SHE SAID THE REASON SHE DIDNT RESPOND WAS BECAUSE CAROL ANNE MADE AN AGREEMENT WITH HER THAT SHE WOULD ONLY RESPOND IN AN EMERGENCY, AND ALSO, SHE WOULD NOT RESPOND TO ONE AND NOT ALL INSIDERS, BECAUSE THAT ISNT FAIR TO THE REST OF THE INSIDERS WHO ARE EMAILING.
I DIDNT KNOW OF THAT AGREEMENT. BUT IT MAKES SENSE. I FELT HURT WHEN SHE DIDNT RESPOND TO ME AND I TOLD HER THAT TODAY. SHE ASKED IF I FELT ANGRY. I SAID NO JUST HURT.
WE TALKED ABOUT HOW ITS BETTER TO TALK FACE TO FACE INSTEAD OF THROUGH EMAIL, ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS ABOUT STUFF TO DO WITH ATTACHMENT AND THINGS LIKE THAT. SHE SAID YOU GET MORE FROM FACE TO FACE CONTACT, LIKE THE PERSON IS RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU, YOU CAN HAVE CONTACT WITH THEM, THROUGH TOUCH AND FACIAL EXPRESSION ETC. SHE SAID WORDS ON A SCREEN CAN BE MISENTERPRETED AND ITS JUST NOT THE SAME.
I DO AGREE WITH HER ON THAT.
THEN WE TALKED ABOUT THE EMAIL. I HAD SAID IN IT THAT I MISSED HER AND WAS CRYING AND FELT REALLY DISSOCIATIVE. SHE ASKED ME HOW OLD I FELT WHEN I WROTE IT. I SAID MAYBE 3. SO THEN SHE HAD ME GO TO THAT 3 YEAR OLD PART OF ME AND SIT BY HER. SHE GAVE ME THE PULSERS AND WE WORKED FOR A WHILE WITH THE 3 YEAR OLD. WE TALKED THROUGH HER FEELINGS AND WE CRIED A LOT.
SHE KEPT BRINGING ME BACK TO THE PRESENT EVERY SO OFTEN, GROUNDING ME TO THE ROOM, TALKING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE NOW, THE COURSES I’M DOING, VOLUNTEERING, FAMILY STUFF, AND THEN SHE’D ASK ME TO FLASH BACK TO THE 3 YEAR OLD AGAIN.
IT WAS DRAINING WORK.
BUT I’M GLAD I WENT WE DID GET SO MUCH WORK DONE.
THERAPY IS SO HARD THOUGH.
ZOE

Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “ZOE. THERAPY TODAY”

  1. Hi, Zoe!

    I’m a new reader, but I’m going to start following along from now on.

    Not having email access to your therapist sounds incredibly difficult, but she’s right about the power of face-to-face interactions. There are so many times when I want to Skype my T, but I haul myself into his office anyway. You lose do much without body language, energy or aura, tone of voice, etc.

    LB

    Liked by 1 person

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