REPORTER ALTER

HI MY NAME IS ZOE. I AM 21. AND I AM A REPORTER ALTER. THAT MEANS, I REPORT BACK TO OUR ABUSERS WHEN I FEEL THREATENED, OR I DID, I AM TRYING TO UNLEARN THAT BEHAVIOUR AS OF TODAY. TODAY I TALKED WITH EILEEN IN THERAPY. SO DID MY SISTER, ALANNA WHO IS 23, WE TALKED ABOUT INTRAJECTS, AND PROGRAMMING, WHAT OUR JOB CONSISTED OF ETC. EILEEN SAID SHE HAD TO TALK TO US BEFORE ANYONE ELSE IN THE SYSTEM COULD TELL HER ANYTHING, BECAUSE IN THE TELLING OF THINGS, IT WAS DESTABILISING US REPORTER ALTERS. I WONT GO INTO THE DETAILS OF HOW I CAME TO BE NOW, I’LL TRY TO WRITE MORE ON THAT IN ANOTHER POST, BUT SUFFICE TO SAY THERAPY TODAY WAS SO HARD. IT WAS VERY, VERY INTENSE. BUT I AM GLAD I CAME OUT, IT WAS SO WORTH IT. EILEEN HAS A WAY ABOUT HER, A WAY OF DRAWING YOU OUT, WITHOUT YOU EVEN REALISING SHE’S EVEN DOING IT. ITS NOT IN A BAD WAY, ITS JUST HER GENTLE NATURE, HER WARM TONES IN HER VOICE, ITS EASY TO TALK TO HER AND FEEL SAFE WITH HER. I’M EXHAUSTED TONIGHT AFTER THERAPY, THOUGH. SO ITS AN EARLY NIGHT FOR US I THINK.
ZOE

Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

6 thoughts on “REPORTER ALTER”

  1. Hi Zoe. I’d never heard of a reporter alter. Are you considered a dark in the system as I would think that wanting or needing to report back to an abuser would not be considered progress. I’m glad you talked to Eileen and I hope you can unlearn the reporting need. You are important without the reporting. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Perhaps you can learn to channel your reporting skills in to other areas, just as Liz has learned to channel her anger in to positively protecting the littles. It’s time for you to retire from the reporter-to-the-abusers job! Perhaps you could go to school with Carol Anne. Don’t reporters take good notes? xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s very good that you had your time in therapy, Zoe. I’m sure you’ll have a lot of hard work to do, but you sound as a strong person to me so I think you’ll cope with it. You already did the first step because you want to change and unlearn reporting to abusers. I really believe in you.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s