Our aunt passed away

our aunt passed away last night. at 3 AM. she passed peacefully in her sleep. her family were with her when she passed away. i decided i would only go to her funeral mass and then for the food afterwords, and not go to the entire funeral. i want to keep doing things which i normally do, it helps me to cope and keeps my mind busy. i cant focus too much on her actual death, it triggers me. i wasnt really there when she was dying, i didnt see her in the hospital, but i did talk to her on the phone once. i feel bad that i wasnt more present, but i had to do what i had to do to keep us safe. our safety is important to me. i went as normal to my independent living skills course, and i am trying to go on with my week as i normally would. i’m glad she isnt suffering any more. thanks everyone for your support, prayers and kind comments. they meant the world to me.
carol anne

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

21 thoughts on “Our aunt passed away”

  1. I’m sorry that you’ve lost her. It can be difficult to feel as if you didn’t do as much as you wanted to or thought you should for someone who is sick or dying. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You have to keep on living even after they are gone and it’s important to care for yourself through all of this and make the choices which support that, however it may look from the outside. When my grandmother who lives overseas was dying, I’d only just come home from a visit where she was frail but still alert and happy, and I chose not to go back and see her at the end and not to go to her funeral. I do not regret that at all, my memories of her are beautiful and happy, and everyone in my family was understanding about my decision. I hope your family can be equally supportive of your choices. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, thank you, yes, they are very supportive, they know I want to keep myself safe, my mum said she hoped I didn’t think she was shoving me away, I never thought that though. She said I shouldn’t be too hard on myself for not being present more with my aunt was dying. I’m trying not to be. X

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you lost someone you loved hunny. You have to do what you have to do and don’t let anyone (including yourself) tell you otherwise. You’ll be ok. One foot in front of the other. Thinking of you loads xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Safe hugs. I did the same with my nan. I couldn’t bare to see her as it would have been hugely triggering and I needed to keep myself mentally safe. But she understood. She knew I was thinking about her and even though I sometimes feel guilty I know she still understands because I think about her all the time and I know she loved me xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m glad it was a peaceful passing with all the family around her. It’s also a good idea that you are keeping yourself safe, what with certain little ones deciding to pop out and text Eileen. How old is Ciara?

    Liked by 1 person

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