so yeah therapy today was very difficult. we had a hard discussion about needs. it was so hard to express to eileen how we really feel about needing her and how much it brings up for us both internally and externally. she got it though, she really got it. she said it was coming from a very young place, probably from when we were a toddler and not having our needs met properly. i had to agree she was probably correct. like I’ve mentioned before when we were between 0-3 we lived with a bunch of my dads family, all alcoholics, our mom was young, she used to leave us sometimes with our aunt or our dads mom, and they’d be drunk, and not looking after us properly. eileen said today that now that parts are feeling safer they are waking up, ready to heal. she asked me how i felt towards the young parts. i wasnt sure. part of me hates them because i dont want to have that level of need. but part of me is so protective of them because they are so young and so vulnerable. eileen asked a group of us to support them. she said she’d support us to support them. i told her it feels overwhelming to just try to support them. she said we’d work slowly at it over a while, that we dont have to rush into anything. i’m glad about that. i was telling her how last week there was this huge hole in our heart, we just wanted her, needed her, we just wanted her to hold us, hug us, cuddle us, we wanted to be engulfed in her arms, and never let go of her. i told her all that today and she totally understood how we’d be like that. she said its really important that we talk about it. we actuallly spent the entire session today discussing needs, our level of need and our attachment to eileen. it was intense. i did not think i’d be able to talk about it but when it came to it I actually could articulate it quite well. i’m just glad eileen gets it and so i dont feel stupid or silly going into those delicate topics of attachment and need and dependence on her.