so yeah therapy today was very difficult. we had a hard discussion about needs. it was so hard to express to eileen how we really feel about needing her and how much it brings up for us both internally and externally. she got it though, she really got it. she said it was coming from a very young place, probably from when we were a toddler and not having our needs met properly. i had to agree she was probably correct. like I’ve mentioned before when we were between 0-3 we lived with a bunch of my dads family, all alcoholics, our mom was young, she used to leave us sometimes with our aunt or our dads mom, and they’d be drunk, and not looking after us properly. eileen said today that now that parts are feeling safer they are waking up, ready to heal. she asked me how i felt towards the young parts. i wasnt sure. part of me hates them because i dont want to have that level of need. but part of me is so protective of them because they are so young and so vulnerable. eileen asked a group of us to support them. she said she’d support us to support them. i told her it feels overwhelming to just try to support them. she said we’d work slowly at it over a while, that we dont have to rush into anything. i’m glad about that. i was telling her how last week there was this huge hole in our heart, we just wanted her, needed her, we just wanted her to hold us, hug us, cuddle us, we wanted to be engulfed in her arms, and never let go of her. i told her all that today and she totally understood how we’d be like that. she said its really important that we talk about it. we actuallly spent the entire session today discussing needs, our level of need and our attachment to eileen. it was intense. i did not think i’d be able to talk about it but when it came to it I actually could articulate it quite well. i’m just glad eileen gets it and so i dont feel stupid or silly going into those delicate topics of attachment and need and dependence on her.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

12 thoughts on “therapy”

  1. I’d read that the first three years of a child’s life are very important and a lot of parents don’t relize that because the child is generally not able to articulate their deepest feelings. Wasn’t Shirley around three or four when the system began or was she older.

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  2. Neeeds are a hard topic. I think hard for a lot of people, but for people like you, whose needs were neglected already in a very early childhood, it had to be even more difficult. I’m glad you opened up to Eileen though. It’s a big step in your healing, I’m sure. It really had to be an intense session.

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  3. I’m so happy you discussed this with Eileen. I know it was hard work. Therapy isn’t easy. I think I am making progress with my therapist. I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up with your blogs. I am using an old laptop because my newer one is broken. I ordered the part today and I hope it comes Monday. I miss the thing so bad. The old laptop is very slow as it is just a 32 bit. I got it before the 64 bit was popular. Anyways, I’m thinking of you and sending you hugs

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