i’m a little stressed out right now. i guess all this change has caught up to me. so much change. and i am not good with change.
first of all i’ve started with the new cpn sarah. she has already spoken to dr. barry. last week i spoke to sarah about the hard week i’d been having. yesterday i find out she told dr. barry everything. i dont know how i feel about that. i did not realise our sessions werent confidential.
part of me feels relieved that she did speak to dr. barry. but part of me is like, i dont want her to tell her everything i say to her. i know dr. barry is my consultant. and she needs to know how I am doing. I guess I just thought some things would be confidential. After all that is how you build a relationship with someone.
I think though with the mental health team, they all write everything into your chart. So say when i see sarah or mark the OT or the social worker, they write a note in my chart for dr. barry telling her what we’ve been discussing and working on. At least that is what I think happens.
I’m a bit miffed it has to be this way. It feels like everything I say or do is scrutinized. I hate that.
Then there is the did assessment. Its happening soon. Its not an assessment for diagnosing did, thats already been done 7 years ago. But rather an assessment to see where we are going with treatment going forward.
I am nervous. What if they say I can only be treated for so many years. What then. I doubt they will but the worry is still there. These are the did experts, after all. What they say will have a major impact on how dr. barry works with me in the future.
She will take her guidance from them. She will do what they suggest. Eileen reassured me on Monday she isnt going anywhere. That she will be here for us for as long as we need. That it is and will be our choice when we finish therapy. But what if it isnt? What if the funders wont pay for therapy for more than a couple of years. What then?
Its hard to think about. It makes me incredibly stressed just thinking about it.
With my new college course, and the independent living skills course there is also a lot of changes going on with the structure of my days. I will not be able to spend as much time in the basement club as I have been doing. I am afraid of losing that community. Technically I wont, because technically once your a member then your a member for life. I know I can always go back. But when you have been out of the loop for a while it can be daunting to go back again.
I wont be able to go to the basement club once th eindependent living skills course starts. I wont have time. I’ll literally be doing the course from 9 AM until 5 PM every day. There wont be much time for anything because outside of that I’ll have to do my college work for the addiction studies course. I’ll be lucky to be able to keep up with blogs, email and facebook. I hope I will as these are all very important to me.
So yeah a lot of change going on. I just hope I’ll be able to cope with all of it.