Just, ug

the night is dragging. i slept for like 1 hour. 1 bloody hour. i cant believe it. i went to bed about 12:30. and I thought I’ll be able to sleep. layed down and tried to switch off. tried to force my mind to stop spinning. eventually it did. eventually i dropped off to sleep. only to wait again at 2:30. and be up since then thinking. ug. thinking and thinking. not good. i think way way too much. i managed to talk to jess on the phone last night twice. we talked about her mom being her guardian and she said no she isnt. she didnt want to be. but she is her power of atorny for medical stuff. i guess thats not so bad. at least she isnt her full guardian. i asked jess how she felt about living there. she said they’d talked to her about moving to c side, which is the other side of the unit she’s on where you have more independence. she said at the tie she did not want to go there because her old roommate lowis is there. lowis has stolen from her in the past. and made her give her things. so its just not good if she spends time with her. so that is why she hasnt moved over but the staff think she’s ready to do that. i said we’d talk more tonight we only had about 15 minutes to talk last night. i bought the kids a reborn doll. from ashton drake. it was expensive but i can pay for it over 5 installments. they already have a few reborn dolls as do we. if you havent seen one before or dont know what they are they are dolls that look real, lifelike. they are made to look and feel like a real baby. so anyway i got the kids one called kaylee. abby who is a little in jess’s system will be thrilled. she loves to get mail and she loves dolls. i thought if i can make the kids happy for even one hour then i want to do that. anyway back to tonight and sleep. dont know what i’ll do because i probably will be up for the rest of tonight. its 5 AM now. so thats looking likely. I’m so sick of the waking up fromm my sleep randomly. i cant remember having any dream or nightmare. i just woke. wondering why i keep waking but coming up with nothing as to why. seems i’ll have to just suck it up and deal with it.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

4 thoughts on “Just, ug”

  1. Sorry you aren’t sleeping. Neither am I. It’s 2 am here. I’m hurting real bad. My ankle and foot just went off because I moved it to get more comfy in bed. Stupid thing. Hope you are able to nap during the day. Maybe when you are home you can sleep in your own bed. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you had so little sleep. I hate waking up at night for no reason, it happens to me quite often too, though luckily today I slept really well. I’m so sorry to hear all that about Jess’s situation, but yeah, that’s good that her mum isn’t fully her guardian. It was swet of you that you bought a doll for them, I bet the littles in Jess’s system will be thrilled indeed even though I don’t know them, I’m pretty sure that every kid likes to get such gifts. 🙂


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