so we are not doing very well. we are feeling very mentally unwell. very emotional. also intense suicidal feelings. i did manage to go see rose yesterday which was nice. seeing her helped me to distract for a while. she gets it and she really gets me. i was able to talk to her about how i was feeling. she actually noticed without me saying anything. she said to me, i thought you had went downhill this past week, you were withdrawn and taking longer than usual to reply to texts etc. i told her i was sorry and then told her how i felt. she was very sympathetic. right now the system is in a lot of chaos. lots of the younger insiders are really struggling. i’m trying to be there for them as best as i can. i think part of it is they are scared i will do something, but i promised myself that if things get to a point where i feel like i am going to do something, i will go to get assessed at the hospital. i’m hoping it wont come to that though. i’m hopeful i can wait it out until i see eileen tomorrow. at least then we can discuss things, and talk about things. i wont be seeing dr. barry this week because i am going on respite tomorrow. but that might be a welcome distraction too. at least it will be a change of scenery. and i have the basement club i’ll be going there 3 days this week, and i have sarah on friday. so i am very much supported. i really just have to get through today. i think i can do it, i have hope.
Therapy Bits 
You all have gotten through much worse. I know you can get through this. Yes, I’m still awake this late at night. It is almost 3 AM here. We can’t sleep. Blood pressure was 84/52. We are worrying about that.
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Thank you. I’m sorry to hear your blood pressure is so high. Hopefully you can get it under control soon 😘
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Hope you feel better soon. When will you hear about your course application?
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Should know sometime this week hopefully. They said they emailed me I keep checking my email religiously LOL
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I’m so sorry you feel not well and emotional. It’s rally good you have so much support and I hope that being in respite and distracting there will help you to feel more stable. I’m with you.
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Thank you Amelia that’s lovely, I hope respite will help to XX
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I think now is the perfect time for respite 🙂 I’ve been reading your blog for years now and you have grown and learned so much. I know that you can make the right decisions to keep everyone safe *hugs*
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Thank you Hun that means a lot to me XX
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Sending you love
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Thanks lovely🙂😘
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I wonder what’s triggering you to feel like this especially as nothing really bad happened this past week and even something really nice. I know Emily had to pitch in for you at the basement club and you’ve probably been in and out much of the time. I hope you can get to the bottom of it with Eileen. xxx
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Yeah she did, I am not sure what it is, its weird really. I am in a sort of cant find words to describe my feelings place right now. xo
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