I hate her so much

I hate her. I hate eileen I hate her i hate her I hate her.
she gets us to trust her. then she abandons us.
I hate her! I want to scream!
I want to break everything in sight. I am not going to talk to her ever again! never ever!
And I am not going to let the younger kids speak to her either.
she makes me soooo mad!
she says she is there for us when we need her then she wasnt! ug this is shit!
total shit shit shit!
fucking crap i hate therapy and i hate our therapist and thats that.
sirena

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

10 thoughts on “I hate her so much”

  1. Sirina, I knowyou’re in pain and I know it’s hard to be patient, but just think, do you love people or hate people according to whether you get your way or not? Don’t take out your disapointment on the younger kids because that’s not fair. You can be mad at Eileen if you want to, but don’t decide that just because you’re mad, everyone else should be too. If Eileen didn’t care about you, she wouldn’t encourage you to email her. Whether you know it or not, she has invited you in to her life, as she might read your emails when she’s also doing something with her family. she doesn’t have to do that, and I think she’s a real dear for doing it.

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    1. I guess so, I’m not mad at her, I’m mad at the situation really not at her. I should put her some slack, she is nice really. I just need to take my mad out on something else, maybe a pillow or something. Serena

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  2. Hi Sirena! 🙂
    I think it’s not true. You don’t hate Eileen I think. For me it sounds like you’re afraid of abandonment, hold some anger from the past and memories about some people that abandoned you in the past or something like this and you just need someone’s attention, especialy Eileen’s, but because she’s not here, you’re mad. That’s how I see it, maybe it’s otherwise, but I really don’t think you hate Eileen. You can’t force other parts to not talk to her, they would hurt a lot, I’m more than sure. Do you want them to feel so? I’m sure not. 🙂 So maybe try to sit down with your emotions, calm down a bit and think what you’re actually feeling and why. And yeah, anything that could help you release your anger in a healthy and effective way will be good, sometimes it’s so hard to let it out.
    Hugs! 🙂
    Emilia

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, you are right, I wasn’t mad at her, I was mad at the situation, I did feel abandoned, but I know she didn’t abandon me. I know she is here and I just need to reach out to her. I am trying. I feel a little bit better today. XX

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