tough conversation with mom

the other day mom and me had a tough conversation. i’d been on the phone to the director of towards healing, you know the organisation who currently funds my therapy. so i got off the phone and went to where mom was sitting.
that was the director of towards healing, mom.
really? what did she want?
She wanted to talk about the assessment I’ll be having.
Assessment, when, and with who?
You know the one I told you dr. barry was organising? To talk about ongoing treatment going forward?

then I spent some time telling her about it. After I got done she sat for a few minutes, thinking.

Will you ever be cured of the did?
no, mom.
But how come I read stories of girls who were?
Where did you read them mom? You shouldnt always believe everything you read.
You know, in magazines, they were healed, I mean your getting a lot of help, will there ever be a day where you’ll be healed?
no, mom. this is something i’ll have to live with forever. a chronic and enduring mental illness, is what dr. barry calls it.
mom sat silently then. I knew this wasnt what she wanted to hear.
I’m sorry, mom. I know you wanted me to get better, I’m sorry it wont happen the way you wanted…
She started to vacume then, obviously not wanting to continue the conversation, so I let it go.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

13 thoughts on “tough conversation with mom”

  1. DID isn’t really something that needs to be “cured” but it doesn’t mean it will be a massive burdenous mental “disorder” for the rest of your life either. I’m not cured, though on the outside it sure will seem that way. But neither am I still suffering a disorder. You know? X

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  2. I doubt that she is disappointed in you that you won’t get better, but disappointed FOR you. But as metimeonline said, it won’t always be like this. Hopefully not anyway. If you can work through the trauma and get the parts to work together, you will hopefully have a more manageable future. x

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  3. Ughhh, very tough indeed. I’m very sorry. Seems like it’s also very difficult for your mum. It’s sad she isn’t supportive the way she should be for you, but I think that she would like. I received her question not only like that she doesn’t accept your DID and doesn’t want you to have it, but I think she was asking also because she cares for you. Though it’s a pity she can’t express it in a different way. I’m sorry your relationship is so difficult.

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  4. Having DID often lasts a lifetime. Often integration is not possible or even advised. It’s hard when people you love do not understand this. I have been in therapy for nearly two decades and while I have made great strides I still struggle with mental difficulties. I am grateful for my DID. It kept me from cracking up from the abuse. Wishing you a peaceful day.

    Liked by 1 person

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