thinking

i’m lying here just thinking. eileen sent me an email reassuring me she has my safety and stability in mind, and she told me i dont have to tell my secrets all at once.
why cant I believe she is telling me the truth?
I want to, I really really do.
I keep rereading the email she sent. Categorical reassurance she said she was giving me.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I just feel so anxious, and unsettled.
Amber

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

2 thoughts on “thinking”

  1. It’s nothing wrong with you, Amber! 🙂 It’s natural that you feel this way. Your abusers manipulated you for so long that you believed, as everyone would do, that you shouldn’t tell anyone what you’ve experienced. So that’s in my opinion the reason of contradictory emotions you’re feeling now. You want to tell Eileen everything, every secret that is for sure a big burden for you, but your brain keeps shrieking “No! You can’t! It’s against the rules!”, so you’re unsettled. It’s so good that Eileen reassured you. She gave you the time. Time to let to know her, time to think whether you want to tell her anything or not and what yu want to tell her, time to just get rid of the thought that you’ll be in trouble if you’ll tell your secrets. You should also give yourself a little bit of time. If I was you, I’d try to get to know Eileen better, take at least a little of bit of time from every session, build trust to her. So many people in your system trust Eileen and feel attached to her. So why can’t you? I’m sure you can, just give yourself the time you need. And talk to someone in your system about Eileen, there’s surely a reason they trust her. Hugs! 🙂

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