He can be so critical

sometimes my dad is such a dick head. yes, he can be an asshole. I love him most of the time, but not tonight.

He just made me feel like shit. Not that he’s not done that 1000 times in my life already, but did he really have to do it tonight when I was already feeling bad?

I was talking to mom tonight about nitro’s trainer coming to do some route training with us. She wanted to teach me how to get to the city centre from where I now live on the bus. I was nervous about it, but willing to try it out.

She wanted my mom to be there for the first time while she did the route just as far as the local bus stop with me. Just so my mom could help me practice it and get familiar with it.

So I was telling mom this. And my dad butts in with dont bother going, she’ll never do it. Lovely, dad. Thanks for having a little bit of confidence in my abilities.

So then he continues with why would you want to get the bus when you can get a taxi to where your going? I tried to say because I need to work Nitro more. Then he keeps on with well when nitro retires you shouldnt get another dog, you will never learn this bus route, dont even try.

What a fucking idiot! And now thanks to his very critical outburst I feel like fucking crap.

I wonder if everyone thinks I’m a failure because I dont do enough work with nitro? And I cant go a lot of places by myself?

Obviously my dad does.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

17 thoughts on “He can be so critical”

  1. No! Just no!! Just because you FEEL like you do not do enough with Nitro does not mean that you don’t do enough with him. You do what you need to do when you need to do it. I do not believe that he thinks that you are a failure. Going by what you said there, he does not say stuff like that all the time? I do not in anyway condone what he said. And he should not have said it. Knowing you as his daughter he should no better that something like that will hurt you, it would kill me. I hated feeling like I am not the daughter that my father wanted. My father never wanted kids at heart, he was stolen from me before I had a chance to become his friend and before he had a chance to know the real me, whoever that is. He loves you. People say stupid things when they shouldn’t. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. We all love you ❤ xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! You dont deserve that! It is up to you what you are comfortable with. You. Nitro is just fine doing what hes doing. So first he says you wont try, then you dont need a dog!walking contradiction. Im sorry hes bing a jerk

    Liked by 1 person

  3. like you say, he is often jerky…and he really doesn’t or doesn’t want to understand what it’s like to be you, what you have to go thru just to do basic things like get places. yes, a taxi is easier, but more expensive and not always the option you need to take. you should know bus routes and you should use nitro because that’s his job! you are in no way at fault here or in the wrong. good luck on learning the new route.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, how mean! Really hurting. I try to think that maybe he just had a bad day, I hope he didn’t think so. He’s ill, he has a rough time too, maybe that’s the reason of his meanness to you? It’s awful, but I really hope it wasn’t what he really feels to you. Don’t take it to yourself, you’re not a failure and most probably he didn’t want to say so. Now in your situation I’d treat it like a challenge. I’d try to show him that you can do it with Nitro, that you’re not a failure. Maybe he won’t admit it, maybe he won’t tell you he’s sorry for what he said, but you will know he wasn’t right and you can do more than he realises, you’re not a failure. Hugs! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are not a failure. You are precious; fearfully and carefully created in God’s own image. I was raised by a step mother who not​only physically abused but verbally and mentally. I was told many times that I was nothing and I was a problem in the family. It hurt very deep as a little girl. It’s been years now and I now know that I am someone; God’s precious child and no one will ever make me feel otherwise again. Smile and know that you are precious. You can do anything you put your mind to. Many hugs💝

    Liked by 1 person

  6. People don’t just give out dog guides, so you were obviously competent enough to pass whatever tests they put you through. I doubt that competence has gone away. I’m sorry your dad is so critical. It sounds like he’s probably like that with everybody and everything. He probably digs at you because he knows he’ll get a reaction. Try not to let him win. You are loved. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s