tomorrow morning i see karen o my nutritionist. i am so anxious about seeing her. because i know i just know i’m going to have put up weight. and that is something i do not want. i have tried hard this week. but last week and the week before were just crap weeks. being on holiday and all i did not eat healthily. then i didnt exercise either these last few weeks due to my back being sore and me being in pain and it hurt to walk. i did exercise yesterday and today but that isnt much. and each time i only did about 10 to 15 minutes on the treadmill. so i really really doubt i’ll be down tomorrow. i hate disappointing karen. i’ve battled with weight for so long now, its so crazy. every time i think i’m getting somewhere with it i slip back into old patters again. and the weight doesnt come off. and then i think karen is disappointed because we’ve been working together for so long and there has been little progress in that time. i probably have it all wrong. she is probably not disappointed with me. after all she is a psychiatric nurse and so she knows mental illness plays a huge part in how I am doing how well I am doing how good I am at keeping up with things. If my mood is low or i feel bad I am less likely to keep up with things. She knows this and she gets it and we even spend time each week talking about mood and anxiety and things during our goal setting. I’ve also been dealing with constipation. that is another reason why i think i’ll be up tomorrow. i havent been going every day I know its TMI but I just need to document it here. I feel so anxious tonight about it all. I kinda feel stressed. I am trying to do some self care activities to relieve the stress. I’ve been drinking tea and watching some tv and reading. It hasnt been helping. I really dont know what else to do. I dont want to cancel tomorrows apt. I think I just need to go and face it whatever happens.