ANGER

I’M SO ANGRY SO FUCKING ANGRY I HAD A NIGHTMARE AND ME AND NIGHTMARES WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE LOL I FUCKING WELL YEAH OK ITS MY WORST FEAR IS HAVING BAD DREAMS I HATE THEM I GET SO SQUIRRLY AND ANCI AND MAN JUST UG I AM JUST SO ANGRY AT OUR ABUSERS THEY TOOK SO MUCH FROM US THEY DIDNT CARE THEY JUST TOOK AND TOOK AND LEFT US IN A STATE AND DIDNT GIVE A DAMN AS LONG AS THEY GOT THEIR OWN SELFISH FUCKING NEEDS MET WHO CARES ABOUT US AS LONG AS THEY GOT WHAT THEY FUCKING WANTED OH GOD I WANT TO PUNCH SOMETHING AND I WANT TO CUT BUT MOM AND DAD ARE IN THE NEXT ROOM IF I GO OUT OF THIS BEDROOM I HAVE TO PASS THEIR DOOR AND WILL ONLY WAKE THEM UP THEY ARE LIGHT SLEEPERS BUT OH BOY DO I EVER WANT TO CUT THE URGE IS SO STRONG ONLY BECAUSE I HATE EMOTIONS AND DEALING WITH THEM I’D RATHER CUT TO NUMB THE PAIN FUCK FUCK FUCK IF ANYONES AROUND COULD USE A FRIENDLY WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT
LIZ

Advertisements

Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

10 thoughts on “ANGER”

  1. I’m so sorry! I hate nightmares too!! We used to cut so I completely understand the urge to do that. Please don’t do it tho if you can help it. It only hurts you more than they already have and that is the last thing you deserve. You have had enough pain for two lifetimes already so please be gentle with yourself. I hope you can rest peacefully when you go back to sleep. Venting is good! Blog again about it if it helps you get a little of the pain out.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Do something nice for you from me, okay, since I’m not there in person. A cup of tea or a “hug” from a soft blankie. Nightmares are hard. But you are amazing strong, especially to ask for support. I admire that!
    M

    Liked by 1 person

  3. hi Liz, I understand the urge to cut. I hope by now you are a little less angry than you were. Sorry you had nightmares. They sound awful. By cutting you are hurting yourself, not the abuser. I used to cut to feel better too. I grew out of it though. Just got tired of doing it. I hope one day you no longer feel such strong urges too. You are resilient and can get through this without self-harm. You have my support always. G

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think I understand you, Liz, ’cause both these things – nightmares and cutting – aren’t unfamiliar to me. Nightmares and bad dreams are also my huge fear and I had quite strong urges to selfharm, now it lessened a little, so I think I know how you feel. But I’m glad you didn’t cut that night. You don’t deserve it and we both know it’s only a short-term solution, the endorphines in your brain that release during cutting don’t be there forever and soon you feel angry and sad again. You should be proud of yourself that you finally didn’t cut.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s