triggered by my sister and my niece

kids, i’m glad i dont have any sometimes. like right now.

my niece just got sent to bed. she’d been arguing with her brother, tormenting him, making him cry, he’s four, she’s nine…

so my sister got tired of it and shouted at her and sent her to bed. she put up a fight but now she’s in bed. and still from bed she’s causing trouble, she put a chair against the door so no one can get into the room.

so why then do i feel bad for her?

i guess i feel bad because my sisters shouting at her triggered something in me. fear. it triggered me back to a place of fear, fear when i’d be yelled at for something small.

i know my sister has a right to discipline her and she should, i’m not saying that she shouldnt, i’m just saying it triggered me and makes me feel like i should do something to help her somehow.

i wont, but i wish i could. but i do realise she has to learn. there are consequences for her actions. and misbehaving and making her four year old brother cry is not nice.

granted he’s not an angel either, but tonight she’s been particularly feisty and mean spirited.

I hope tomorrows better, thats all I can say.

Author: Carol Anne

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

14 thoughts on “triggered by my sister and my niece”

  1. I understand this. I worry for my eldest nephew that he is now being labelled as naughty. My brother is quite harsh sometimes because of how my dad was with us.
    But he is loved as are your niece and nephew. My brother is a lot more loving than my dad is. I just try to remind myself that they are loved and that should run alongside the discipline for balance. Children need boundaries and your niece is just pushing those boundaries.

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  2. I always hate it when I see someone shouting at/disciplining kids, even though it’s sometimes for their own good. I think with me it stems back to my childhood and a big part of me just wants to go and rescue that child who appears to be hurting. Just writing this message to you thou has just made me realise that possibly it’s linked to us reaching out to our inner child. That makes sense to me, hope you understand what I mean xx

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    1. Yeah same goes for me, cause my dad was a yeller, he shouted at me and my sister a lot, it had a massive effect on me, then I was abused by nuns and a care taker and part of that was emotional abuse, so yeah, I get ya…


  3. As a parent I can tell you that there will be a lot of stuff you don’t see. A lot of love and mush and tenderness. Even as it’s your sister you won’t see the whole picture. I struggle with my eldest, I swear he has behavioural issues and I’d love him to have some kind of child therapy. Someone he can talk to. I do try my best as does your sister. Just because a parent yells at their kids (guilty) doesn’t mean they don’t love them. It’s the 33/33/33 rule. 33% of the time parents are awesome, 33% of the time they’re ok and 33% of the time they are terrible. That’s humans for you. Same goes for kids. If your sister was shouted at by your dad she is simply parenting the way she was. Parenting is bloody hard and has driven me to near suicide. You won’t know till you have kiddos exactly how hard it is so please don’t judge her. Instead try to have compassion for all… the child who is learning through making mistakes, the adult who is probably stressed and embarrassed about her child’s behaviour (yes even in front of family… perhaps more so… I get embarrassed by my kids bad behaviour) at the end of the day your neice will not be damaged by being shouted at… as long as it isn’t consistent and on going. The lovey dovey parents who never shout and respond 100% correctly and consistently 100% of the time just don’t exist (well they do… but only in the minds of non-parents). Your sister is trying her best at the end of the day xx

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      1. That’s understandable. I get triggered by my son’s behaviour and how hubby shouts at him sometimes. We’re learning different ways of being though. I’m glad he’s prepared to engage in the parenting class we’re doing.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s really good hopefully he will learn something along the way and change his behaviour when he gets irritated and stressed out and frustrated to something else rather than yelling at the kids


      3. Oh and I also wasn’t pissed off with you… I was just giving you your sister’s take on it so you wouldn’t get mad with her and cause a rift in your relationship with her. That’s all x

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oh I know that Hun, don’t worry I didn’t take any offence and I didn’t think you were trying to piss me off it’s okay honest I appreciate your feedback xxx


  4. I’ve never been really triggered by someone yelling at their kids, but it always kind of makes me upset, so I get you I guess. It’s hard to rationalise when you’re triggered, but good that you realise that your sister loves her kids, every parent has sometimes to shout on her/his kids or do anything that will make a child more disciplined and it’s normal and good as long as parents do it with love and a child doesn’t really suffer from it, as you said she was naughty, so some yelling was rather necessary. Good that you try to think rationally about it. I also think it is your inner child being triggered, or maybe also some little parts in your system, who take it too directly. But I hope you managed it already. šŸ™‚ And yeah, maybe Eillen could help you a bit with it.

    Liked by 1 person

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