my appointment with dr. barry, and no goodbye

so i saw dr. barry this morning. i left to go see her at 8:30. it was pouring rain so i left nitro at home. i had a bit of a wait because dr. barry doesnt come in until 9:30 because she gets her kids off to school first. she saw me at around 10 AM. i told her how anxious i was about saying goodbye to karen. then she said it wont be happening today…karen got called away to a meeting. she said you can wait until 11 AM until karen comes back if you want, or we can leave it until next week. i decided i’d wait until next week. i dont want to rush the goodbye. dr. barry encouraged me to internalise the positive things about our relationship and remember the good things about karen. she said its very positive the fact that I was able to forge a relationship with karen despite my attachment issues and trauma issues. she said i could have put boundaries up and distanced myself and not engaged fully with karen but i didnt do that. she praised me and said that i did a great job. we talked about therapy and eileen being on break. i was telling her how i find the space hard to deal with. i find when eileen isnt there it feels like there is this huge distance between us. i need to hear her voice or have some tangible way of connecting with her. otherwise the space just feels like this huge gaping hole. i think she got it. she seemed to understand. she asked me what resources i was using and we talked about my blog and twitter and my email support group. she said those were all good resources. we also talked about reaching out to friends and using grounding techniques that I’e learned. i told her that in therapy i’d worked with eileen and created a room that is like eileens office and eileen is internalised in there and when we need to we go in there and bring eileen in there with us. she thought that was a great idea. we talked about sleep and i told her i am not sleeping again. over the past few days i’ve gotten about 8 hours sleep in total. she said that wasnt good. she asked if i’d like to go back on a sleeping tablet for a week. at first i said no. then she said it might be a good idea just to get my sleep pattern regulated again. she said she could write me an emergency prescription for halcion. so i took that and will go back on it for 7 days. we talked about meds then. i was telling her how a couple of years ago i was on 40 mg of valium and she said that benzos are so addictive and she doesnt mind prescribing them short term but long term she said its not good prescribing practice to use them for patients. i agree. she said we may try lamictal again if my mood doesnt lift. but i’m already on depokate and keppra and lyrica so another anticonvulsant med might not work or might cause unnecessary side effects. she said we’d wait and see. i’ll see her next week and then the following week she’s on vacation because her kids are going back to school and so she’s taking the week off to be with them. i told her that i’d need to prepare for that. its crazy how i get so worked up and need to prepare for every vacation she takes. it makes me feel like i am abnormal. but i literally do need to prepare myself before she goes. its like i need to build myself up to it. she reminded me that its only a week and she’d be back before i know it. so i have another week now to ruminate about karen leaving and to get all anxious and worked up about the goodbye. i’m trying not to but its so hard. i showed dr. barry the card i’d maded for karen and she said it was very touching and she thought karen would love it. i hope she will.

Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

10 thoughts on “my appointment with dr. barry, and no goodbye”

  1. Sounds like a good session. I’m rather sorry you put off the meeting with Karen as I don’t think you’ll be any more ready next week than you would have been today and it just means another week of anxiety which will probably help to keep you awake at night.


  2. sorry the goodbye with Karen didn’t work out today and you were all worked up for nothing. I hope it happens next week. I know how you feel when your psych goes on vacation. My psych is gone for 3 weeks. I don’t see her till after Labor Day, but she is available via email so I don’t miss her too much. She said to email her whenever but know she won’t respond right away (she usually doesn’t anyway so I am okay with that!) Here if you need me. HUGS


  3. I’m sorry you didn’t get to tell Karen goodbye today, but I think leaving it for when you will have time and not have to rush was smart. Hopefully the sleep medications will help reset your sleep. Insomnia is the worst. I’ve been watching a lot of Gilmore Girls on Netflix again. It’s what I do when I can’t sleep. And you aren’t weird for having trouble with vacations. I feel like even one missed session with Bea throws me off for weeks. It’s so tough. You are doing a god job of using your resources and coping though. Hugs 💕xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The Gilmore girls great show, I need to start watching a show on Netflix to keep me busy, that’s a good idea. I like full house Highway to heaven which is a show that was very old and only 80s I like so many shows it’s hard to choose just one thanks for your comment ❤️🙂😘😘😘


  4. I’m glad that you had a good appointment. Hm, maybe it’s good that you’ll say goodbye to Karen next week, you’ll have more time to prepare for it, though if we wait for something stressful for a long time, anxiety tends to rise, but I hope it won’t happen in your case. Sounds like it was a very productive apt, you talked about a lot of things, I hope you’ll manage well during Dr Barry’s vacation, I’m sorry for you that it will have to happen, but it’s good for you that it will only be a week.

    Liked by 1 person

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