four more days till i see eileen. just four. i wish they’d go by fast. i miss eileen soo much. it hurts. it really really hurts.
my heart hurts. my chest is tight. i am sad. i am feeling alone. abandoned. so soo alone.
listening to eileen read to me i start to cry. playing the guided imagery that she recorded, its so nice to hear her voice. talking to me about disneyworld, about disneyworld being my safe place.
telling me all the things i need to do to ground, showing me breathing exercises, speaking softly and saying nice comforting things. it feels so comforting to hear her and just for a moment i imagine her arms around me.
then i come back realising she isnt here. and i start to cry. but you will see her on tuesday, i tell myself. its ok. you are strong. you can get through these last couple of days. i make myself a cup of hot chocolate, wrap up in my blanket, soothe the young parts. it will be ok. i promise we can get through this. we can. you are safe. dont worry now, eileen will be home soon. and until she’s back i will protect you. hold you close and you will be ok.