therapy break continues

four more days till i see eileen. just four. i wish they’d go by fast. i miss eileen soo much. it hurts. it really really hurts.

my heart hurts. my chest is tight. i am sad. i am feeling alone. abandoned. so soo alone.

listening to eileen read to me i start to cry. playing the guided imagery that she recorded, its so nice to hear her voice. talking to me about disneyworld, about disneyworld being my safe place.

telling me all the things i need to do to ground, showing me breathing exercises, speaking softly and saying nice comforting things. it feels so comforting to hear her and just for a moment i imagine her arms around me.

then i come back realising she isnt here. and i start to cry. but you will see her on tuesday, i tell myself. its ok. you are strong. you can get through these last couple of days. i make myself a cup of hot chocolate, wrap up in my blanket, soothe the young parts. it will be ok. i promise we can get through this. we can. you are safe. dont worry now, eileen will be home soon. and until she’s back i will protect you. hold you close and you will be ok.
carol anne


Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “therapy break continues”

    1. Yeah that’s what we’re doing we are having a self-care day today, a mental health day, we are watching movies and reading and enjoying toast with marmalade and having cups of tea and just taking care of ourselves being kind to ourselves

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I think that sometimes when we go through something hard, like Eileen’s vacation is for you, the first day and the last few days might be the worst. I remember it from my boarding school when I missed my family and wanted to go away from there in general, the last few days before a break were often very, very hard, almost so hard like the first day after a break, even though I knew that now it’ll be only a few days. I’m afraid I can’t help you in other way than just thinking of you and suporting you, so I will do it, I know how hard it is for you and it’s very good that you care so much now for yourselves. SOunds like that’s what you need the most now, besides a hug from Eileen obviously. It’s good that you care for the younger insiders and I hope they feel cared and it helps them.
    Sending you all lots of hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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