heavy heart

i feel so down. thoughts of death and not being here any more consume me. i am failing at this thing called life. i feel like such a burden to everyone. i feel like i am a complete and utter failure. i just feel defeated, defective, broken, and it makes me feel like i dont want to be here any more. could use some support right about now.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

21 thoughts on “heavy heart”

  1. You are not a burden. You are not broken. You are not failing at life.

    You are living, and it is hard, but you can do this. I know it feels like you can’t on the dark days, but you are a person and you are amazing. Sending you lots of good thoughts ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve been where you are on many occasions. I get it. Here’s what I know. You’re not a failure. Most people would’ve thrown in the towel a long time ago but you’re still hanging in there. You my friend are not a failure!!! You’re a warrior and a survivor!!! Remember that! Believe that!! I recall seeing my therapist some time many months ago. I too was feeling like I was better off dead. I was even thinking of ways to end it all however thank the lord I didn’t act on those crazy feelings. I’ll never forget what my therapist said to me. She said “Velma you are one strong lady. You have endured more than most. Despite the challenges you haven’t given up. Do you know what I think?” I replied “what?” She said “you haven’t given up, you haven’t ended it all because you’ll be damned if you give anyone the satisfaction of pushing you to defeat!” Wow! She was so right. I’d like to encourage you today. Don’t give up!! You are a survivor. Do not give anyone or any challenge you are facing the satisfaction of beating you!! You are going to make it!! Tomorrow is another day. I pray that today and all your tomorrows will find you getting stronger every day!!! My song for you today is a favorite by the band Chicago. “Feeling Stronger Every Day!” That’s your mantra. I believe in you. You can do this.

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  3. your never a burden …. you are a wonderful person who is healing and thriving through your healing like all of us. Your never alone, as long as your write in this blog and share with us your struggles and thoughts, your never alone. I try and remember that when I am struggling as well. You will move through this 🙂

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  4. I have felt like this too, the last time when I had counselling to face issues that I have mentioned in my blog and prior, some years ago I felt like it then too, but that was even harder than the last one.
    I try and remember different mantras I have been told or I have read, which some of those have been mentioned here already by other readers of your blog.
    I also try and remember some things that I have also said and try to be nice to myself like I would to others. One being, that “we all have a purpose in life,” so this is your reminder as well as my reminder to myself. You’re not a burden and tomorrow is a new day, so I hope that tomorrow brings you a better day for you. Hugs. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, I am here for you like many of your readers here, just like you have been with your kind words to me on my blog.
        My week was a difficult week at work and a little this week. Nothing directly at me, but I reacted the same way and so I have felt how my body reacted to the after effects of that. (I will blog about it, just trying to find the words without disclosing my job. But regardless, last night at work was very good in the end with my colleague as always and today I remind myself it is a better day. Especially after my driving lessons not so long ago which i am feeling the positives of that. I then after tomorrow will be off work all next week, so I intend to have a good week. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It was stressful, but it was more me, in how I reacted that made it stressful. Knowing how to switch off from it, otherwise work were very supportive of the situation this time.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I know these feelings quite well, I know they’re awful. But they’re only feelings, you should try to mind it. It’s not true, that you are a burden, I think you aren’t for anyone, you’re very independent. Death won’t be a good solution for you, I think. It definitely won’t. And you’re not failing, I think you do really well, you survived so much and I think noone who’s been through things like these could say that his/her life is a failure. You’re still living, it’s a big success, not a failure. But I hope you feel better at the moment. 🙂 Sending lots of hugs and support and good thoughts. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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