i’m feeling incredibly sad tonight. i’m on a break from therapy. i am going to respite next week so couldnt go to therapy at my usual time. i’ve been crying so hard for the past hour. i thought about reaching out to eileen, but its 11 PM. i did think about texting her earlier. and i might tomorrow because she did offer me that i could. i feel bad bothering her though in between sessions. i guess i want to try hard to cope, but the thing is i am not coping, i am drowning. i am going to miss her so much next week. i know its only 10 days but it feels like an incredibly long time to not see her. i do have her empty rose scent bottle which tonight i’ve taken out and been using to feel connected to her. the young parts are all ramped up and in a bit of a panic. their abandonment issues have kicked in full force. so have mine. right now i wish i could hug her. a hug would feel sootheing. warm, comforting. she gets me…she understands. hugs make me feel so connected to her. instead i am sitting in my kitchen smelling her rose scent and crying because i dont want a therapy break. the littles feel insignificant and forgotten, and are wondering if we dont see her next week, that maybe she’ll forget about us altogether. its so hard to soothe them. i’m angry that there has to be a break at all. if i’d have been thinking straight i could have arranged things differently…and then i could have gone to therapy and wouldnt have had to miss a week. As it is now there will be this break, then i’ll go for one week and then eileen is away for another couple of weeks. however she has said to me that even though technically she’s on holiday, she would still see me technically she should be away for 3 weeks until august 21st. but she has said she would see me from the 7th of august onwards. i am so grateful to her for that. she didnt have to do that she could have just said i am taking my holidays and so you’ll just have to suck it up and deal. but she is far too caring and knows we’d really struggle if we didnt see her for almost 4 weeks. i kept thanking her for saying she’d see us after just 1 weeks break. i dont know what I’d do without her. maybe tomorrow i’ll text like she said i could, tell her how i am feeling and how i felt tonight. maybe we can have a check in call and talk about it a little bit. i think that will be the best thing to do. meanwhile i will listen to the recordings she has made for us and try to settle down and calm down and relax. easier said than done though.