A loaded therapy session

ITS LIZ AND I DECIDED TO WRITE ABOUT OUR THERAPY SESSION TODAY. WE HAD A PRETTY LOADED SESSION. 3 OF US WERE OUT DURING IT. IT WAS SORT OF A SWITCH FEST LOL. THERE WAS ME, WENDY AND THEN CAROL ANNE FOR ALL OF 2 MINUTES AT THE END. WE’VE HAD A PRETTY HARD FEW DAYS. WENDY WAS CONTACTED BY A PAST ABUSER LAST WEEK. HE WANTED HER TO GO MEET HIM AND SHE ALMOST DID. LUCKILY AT THE LAST MINUTE SOMONE ELSE INSIDE PERSUADED HER TO TURN AROUND AND GO BACK HOME. AT THIS POINT SHE WAS IN THE TAXI AND ALL ON THE WAY TO MEET THIS GUY. IT WAS ALL JUST VERY SCARY. WENDYS JOB BEFORE DURING THE ABUSE WAS TO BE SEXUAL AND COME OUT WHILE THE SEX WAS HAPPENING. SHE IS STILL PULLED TOWARDS THOSE SORT OF BEHAVIOURS. SHE KNOWS ITS DANGEROUS BUT ITS AN AUTOMATIC REACTION FOR HER. SHE ISNT DOING IT TO PUT US IN DANGER OR TRY TO BE NASTY AND MEAN. SHE REALLY CANT HELP IT ITS KIND OF INBUILT INTO HER MIND TO JUST ACT AND REACT. SO EILEEN AND HER TALKED TODAY ABOUT IT AND WENDY GOT VERY UPSET AND WAS CRYING. SHE ASKED EILEEN WHY IT WAS THAT SHE ALWAYS MESSES UP AND EILEEN REASSURED HER THAT SHE HADNT, THAT SHE DIDNT ACTUALLY MEET THIS GUY, SO THAT WAS GREAT PROGRESS BECAUSE A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO SHE WOULD HAVE JUST GONE TO MEET HIM AND SHE WOULDNT HAVE CARED WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES WERE. SHE HAD A VERY VULNERABLE MOMENT IN THERAPY TODAY WHEN EILEEN AND HER WERE TALKING. EILEEN KEPT SAYING SHE WAS HERE FOR HER AND WANTED TO SUPPORT HER AND WENDY WAS SITTING THERE KIND OF NOT KNOWING HOW TO TAKE IN THE LOVE AND SUPPORT BECAUSE SHE ISNT USED TO IT. THEN SHE WAS LIKE I NEED TO BE ABLE TO CONNECT WITH YOU EILEEN AND THEN EILEEN CAME OVER AND SAT NEXT TO HER AND HELD HER HAND. SHE KEPT REASSURING HER YOUR OK YOU’LL BE OK I AM HERE. WENDY HAD BEEN FEELING SUICIDAL OVER THE WEEKEND. EILEEN AND HER TALKED THROUGH HER FEELINGS ABOUT THAT TODAY AS WELL. I ALSO HAD TO TALK TO EILEEN BECAUSE I GOT VERY ANGRY TOWARDS WENDY AND I WAS REALLY MEAN TO HER BECAUSE I WAS PISSED THAT THIS GUY HAD CONTACTED HER AND I WAS EVEN MORE PISSED THAT SHE WAS GOING TO GO MEET HIM AND PUT US ALL IN DANGER OF BEING ABUSED AND HURT. SO MY ANGER GOT THE BEST OF ME AND I SCREAMED AND SHOUTED AND RANTED AT HER. I CALLED HER A BUNCH OF NAMES AND I TOLD HER THAT SHE COULD DO WHATEVER SHE WANTED THAT I DIDNT CARE, BUT THE TRUTH WAS OF COURSE I CARED, SHE IS IN MY SYSTEM INSIDE I AM IN CHARGE OF HER AND I WAS FEELING BAD THAT I COULDNT MANAGE MY SYSTEM, I COULDNT KEEP CONTROL. THAT WAS THE MAIN REASON I WAS ANGRY AND I DISCUSSED THAT TODAY WITH EILEEN. EILEEN HAD ME DO SOME EXERCISES TO SHAKE OUT THE ANGER OUT OF MY BODY. I STOOD UP AND MOVED ABOUT KIND OF LIKE DANCING AND EILEEN DID IT TOO. I USED MY ARMS AND SHOOK THEM OUT FLAPPING MY WRISTS AND STUFF, IT KIND OF FELT AWKWARD AT THE START BUT EILEEN SAID IT WAS TOTALLY OK TO DO IT. I TOLD HER I WASNT USED TO DOING IT AND SHE SAID SHE COULD SEE THAT. AFTER DOING THAT WE SAT DOWN AND WE DID SOME BREATH WORK TO RELEASE MORE OF MY ANGER. I COULDNT FIND MY WORDS AND HAD GREAT DIFFICULTY TALKING AND EXPLAINING HOW I WAS FEELING. EVENTUALLY I DID MANAGE TO TALK A LOT BUT IT TOOK ABOUT 15 MINUTES FOR ME TO COME AROUND. THERE IS A YOUNGER VERSION OF ME INSIDE, HER NAME IS LITTLE LIZ AND SHE IS 5. SHE ALWAYS TALKS IN THE THIRD PERSON AND ALWAYS ABOUT ME, LIKE, SHE WILL SAY LIZ IS MAD, LIZ IS TIRED, LIZ IS ANGRY, BUT SHE ISNT TALKING ABOUT HER SHE USUALLY IS TALKING ABOUT ME AND HER MAIN JOB IS TO WARN PEOPLE ABOUT MY EMOTIONAL STATE. TODAY SHE GOT ACTIVATED AND EILEEN WAS REALLY GOOD, SHE TOLD HER TO GO INSIDE AND REST AND SHE DID AN EXERCISE WHERE SHE TUCKED HER IN AND COMFORTED HER UNTIL SHE WAS CALM. IT WAS A PRETTY TOUGH SESSION ALL AROUND. I ASKED EILEEN IF WE COULD TALK ABOUT HER GIVING US A TRANSITIONAL OBJECT WHILE WE’RE ON RESPITE NEXT WEEK AND WHILE WE’RE ON BREAK, AND SHE SAID SURE WE COULD DO THAT. I THINK I’LL ASK FOR HER TO DO ANOTHER RECORDING WHERE SHE READS A BOOK TO THE KIDS. ITS VERY SOOTHEING TO US TO HEAR HER READ. WE ALSO TALKED ABOUT OUT OF SESSION CONTACT, SHE TOLD ME THAT IF I NEEDED TO TALK DURING THE WEEK TO JUST SAY SO IN AN EMAIL AND SHE’D RING ME BACK. SHE SAID ITS OK TO REACH OUT BECAUSE SOMETIMES I WILL NEED MORE CONTACT THAN JUST MY SESSION AND SHE IS WILLING TO OFFER THAT. I ASKED HER WHAT IF WE REACHED OUT TO OFTEN AND TOO MUCH AND SHE SAID WE’D TALK ABOUT IT BUT THAT SHE KNEW WE WOULDNT ABUSE HER OFFER. AT THE END OF THE SESSION SHE TOLD ME AGAIN TO TEXT HER IF I NEEDED ANYTHING AND JUST ASK HER TO CALL ME. ITS NICE TO KNOW I CAN DO THAT. SHE IS SO KIND TO OFFER OUT OF SESSION CONTACT. WE DONT EVEN HAVE TO PAY HER FOR IT. SHE DOES THIS OFF OF HER OWN TIME. SO YEAH PRETTY TIRED NOW PROBABLY WILL NAP FOR A COUPLE HOURS THIS AFTERNOON.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

15 thoughts on “A loaded therapy session”

  1. That sounds like a very tense session but also a lot got understood and talked about. It does make sense to not make wendy feel badly because she just was doing what she knows how to do but still in the end stopped which is huge progress so you were all kept safe. I bet you are tired after that therapy session. I hope you get some rest.

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  2. Wow, Liz! what a session! What a weekend! I’m glad you were able to persuade Wendy not to do something she would have regretted. I’m surprised that you have _any contact with passed abusers or that they can contact you in any way. Can you change that so that they can’t? I remember someone who said she was Little Liz, but she was eight years old and talked in the first person. Do you have more than one little Liz? I’m so glad that you bring your anger to the table instead of just making excuses! Good for you. I hope Wendy will continue to get help from Eileen so that she can change her whole mindset. Take care. xxx

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    1. Yes we have to that go by little Liz, one is not really so much of a talker as I said she only talks about me the other one is part of me too but she is a more defined part she is my child like part I suppose. We can’t change the fact that past abusers contact us. This just happens they have our email address and every time we try to block them they just get a new email address if they’re not emailing us there phoning us it’s a nightmare

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  3. Since you were at your parents this weekend, how was Wendy able to get the body away in a taxi? Did she say she was going to the store or something? I’m glad you have a level head on your shoulders.

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    1. It happened during the week not on the weekend, that’s even scarier again because we ended up far away from home and only for me and another inside of Breanna coming out and getting us home we have been screwed, she took the taxi to the place where we were meant to meet him but then Breanna took us to a coffee shop instead to think of a way to get it safely home

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  4. Boy, that _is scary. Is this one of those situations that Carol Anne didn’t know anything about unless you told her? Do you have any kind of blocking service on your phone? Of course, even if you blocked the abusers, Wendy-or anyone else-could unblock them and you’d have the same problem. I hope Wendy can get to the point where she doesn’t feel the need to see them.

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    1. Yes we lost a lot of time Carol and didn’t know what was going on none of us did until it was too late and we were there and luckily I came out at the last second and Breanna did too and got us home it was very very scary let me tell you a close call indeed

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  5. Liz, it had to be a really, really intense session. But it’s very good you had it and that you talked about it with Eileen. I’m very glad that Wendy didn’t meet him. It would be just horrific. So good that you and Breanna stopped her. Hope that similar situation never will happen to you again. Hugs. šŸ™‚

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    1. Thank you for the hugs Amelia I appreciate them very much, yes, it is very good that Wendy did not meet him. It took a lot of hard work to manage to stopper. But we did it so we are pleased with the result, I think Wendy is glad to that she didn’t meet him. XXX

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