heads in a spin

my heads in a spin. i feel all funny. thoughts are racing. i’m agitated. i’m anxious. i’m feeling stressed out. overwhelmed. sad. depressed. i cant shake the feelings. part of me is saying take the pills, go do it. i’m trying everything i can to distract myself. it isnt working. its 3:30 AM, i’m alone and scared and wish I had someone to sit with me and hold my hand. I emailed eileen about an hour ago, i probably sound so pathetic in the email, but i feel so desperate. i know she gets it. i feel like i am too much for her. too needy. too broken. too fucked up. she keeps reassuring me that she doesnt think those things about me. so why cant i believe her? my heart aches. i ache for a warm hug from a trusted person. the little parts want hugs from our mom. she never or rarely gives hugs or kisses. they crave them so much right now. they want our mom to say its ok, i’m here. thats all they want. my whole body hurts. i feel like a mess. a big ball of anxiety in my stomach. its killing me. prayers will be appreciated guys.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

8 thoughts on “heads in a spin”

  1. I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so bad. Though I hope now is a bit better. It would be really good if you had someone trusted beside you. Hoe Eileen will write back, I’m sure she won’t think you’re too needy or anything like this, ’cause you aren’t. She’ll surely got you. Sending lots of hugs and support, my prayers will be with you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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