i needed to write to you tonight. there was something else i wanted to say last week but didnt.i didnt know how to bring it up. plus i’m nervous because i’m scared i’ll say the wrongthing, i dont have experience talking to outsiders like some other in here do.
but the thing is this.
can you promise me that if i trust you and allow our guard to go down, stop the blocking of things, and compartmentalising…can you promise you wont hurt us, like joan our last therapist did?
she really did a number on us.
so much of what she did was wrong, but she acted like it was normal. and confused us, so we thought it was.
i mean, things like, taking us to lunch, for coffee, to the movies, buying us things when she was on vacation, letting us meet her kids, telling them about us how we lived on our own and stuff.
is it normal for a therapist to do those things?
am i way off when i think it isnt?
she would always say that we are not like her other clients, that because we had did we had more needs, more complexneeds, which ok is true i guess, but still you dont do those things, but I know you care, I know you care in lots of ways, i know you care in the little things you’ve done for us, giving us an empty bottle of the rose scent hyou like, reading and recording yourself read so we’d have it for comfort, giving us objects from your office to take home to keep connected to you during the time between sessions, letting us text and email, those are all things you do to show you are thinking of us and caring, but you still have boundaries and if we overstep them I’m sure you’d talk to us about it, because I know you always encourage us to be honest, and we would like you to be honest with us too.
all of our life people have mistreated us, used us, misused us, done whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted.
I dont want to end up trusting and then if it goes bad I’ll get the blame for messing things up. but we do need to do the work in order to heal, and we want to do it so I will try hard to trust.
Maybe together we can come up with a plan? I know you dont normally respond to emails but can you please just respond to me to let me know you have read this and we can talk more about it?