I’m ugly and fat and a mess

i’m feeling sad and alone, lonely and emotional. i dont want to eat, i want to binge and then purge, it will make me feel better, i want to be skinny, but we are fat, i want to cut off our stomach because it is so fat, i am listening to superchick, the song goes i told another lie today, but i got through this day, no one saw through my games, thats me, always faking it always lying to get through the day always counting calories and exercising obsessively always trying hard to lose more weight dissapointed with myself when the scales dont show it i’m a mess a big mess all i know is i am ugly and fat and i hate myself
emily age 12

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

4 thoughts on “I’m ugly and fat and a mess”

  1. No, you’re not a mess, Emily! Absolutely not! Well, I also don’t think you’re ugly, it completely depends on what people like and dislike, some maybe may call you ugly, some may call you pretty. For me it’s totally not important whether you are fat or thin, ’cause I know you’re a great girl and you’re my friend and your appearance doesn’t change it at all. Everyone of us would like to change something in our appearance, I guess, but if we can’t, we must accept it. It’s hard, but, like I told you before, try to think about your value. It completely doesn’t depend on your appearance or weight, but on who you are inside and things like this. And, you can always imagine you’re a slim, good-looking girl with a perfect body, dreams help me, so I think they could help you too. And other than that, purging won’t help ya at all. You’ll stay at the same point. You can only waste your health this way. I’d rather think on any constructive diet and rational excercising. Maybe you should talk to Eileen or your nutritionist, if you talk to her, about making some healthy plans and becoming more fit and more pretty in your eyes? I was never struggling with overweight, only with underweight, so I actually don’t know how to help you, but anyway I send you lots of hugs and support and acceptation, which seems to be most needed in your case. I guess someone told you that you’re ugly or anything like this and you absorbed it, but please remember, it doesn’t matter and it’s not objective.

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