today has been pretty tough. it should have been therapy day. but eileen is on break for a week, and then next week we wont see her either because of it being a bank holiday here on the monday. we were very emotional all day today. teary, sad, feeling alone and lonely. wishing we could see eileen. thinking how much the break really sucks. needing her, needing our attachment so bad. it was just a mess. we tried everything to distract. we managed to be ok but it was literally all we could do to pull it off and act ok for our mom and dad and sister this morning. luckily our sister dropped us home at about 12:30 so we could drop the mask once we got indoors. we stayed home for the rest of the day, we only had to see our home help who came at 5 to help us cook dinner. we tried to be normal for her too. i think she noticed how we were pretty silent though and not really engaged with her. we have had a good day food wise, eating a healthy breakfast of fruit and a healthy dinner of beef stir fry with rice. so i guess thats something to be proud of. we also managed 10 minutes on the treadmill. so i guess its not all bad. tomorrow is our sisters birthday. the whole family are going out to lunch to celebrate. its something to look forward to and take my mind off of thinking about therapy and the break. we also need to go grocery shopping in the morning with kristen. so we’ll be busy. we have a shopping list, we’re going to follow that to a t, otherwise we tend to buy things we dont even want or need, not to mention we buy junk food as well. i’m hoping tonight wont be too bad, but its starting to look like we wont sleep. its 11 PM now and I took our night meds at around 9:30. I watched a little tv and then tried to settle down but nope it wasnt happening. i feel incredibly anxious and tense. i keep pacing and checking all the doors in the house. i have the tv on and i am trying to watch and read email and blogs all at once. i just dont feel too good tonight. hopefully it will pass and things wont get worse. its just been a crap Monday.