its allie and I am so sad. for those who are new to our blog I am an insiders in our system, a kid. I am 9 and I get sad a lot because I wish our therapist Eileen or our psychiatrist dr barry can adopt me. and tonight is one of those nights. I want a forever mom. my bio mom doesn’t love me. she doesn’t even know me because she thinks i’m just a mood and she wont accept our did diagnosis. and it hurts. I hurt. the pain makes me so sad. its this physical clenching inside my heart and chest. and an ache. and in my mind I long for a hug from my forever mom who I wish could be Eileen or dr barry. I keep asking them to adopt me. and they keep saying it cant happen. and then I get angry and mad at them. because please just listen you guys. I need someone. I need a mommy! I need you to adopt me! everything hurts right now. I am crying. I feel lonely. and I hate when its night time. if I had a forever mom she could read to me. tuck me into bed. cuddle and snuggle with me. instead I have to snuggle nitro, that’s nice, but I just want a mommy hug and an I love you and I am listening tell me about your day. I am so jealous of dr barrys kids. they are so lucky to have her as their mom. I want her and I wish she was my mom all the time. I fantasise about what it would be like to live with her in her house. am I weird? I suppose people will think i’m nuts. I don’t care. people who have nice moms who love them and who care about them are so lucky. i’m jealous of you too. our bio mom only sees Shirley, or our outside body, and the age that it is which is 37, she doesn’t see the children inside who crave her attention. she just doesn’t see us. she says we are childish sometimes because we have toys in our house that we play with and we watch kid movies and cartoons a lot and we do coloring and stuff but don’t adults do those things too? people who don’t have alters and who aren’t diagnosed with did? I think they do. anyway. I better go to bed. its almost 2 AM. good night world. maybe I can live with dr barry or Eileen some day, maybe they’ll change their mind and adopt me.
allie, age 9