the afternoon is dragging

i’m restless. i dont know why. i am also anxious. and i am not sure why that is either. i have no reason to feel anxious. i’m getting a break from the flashbacks. i havent had any this morning. i’m trying to figure out the trigger to my anxiety. the ward is so quiet. one of the other patients has the radio on. i am finding that comforting. its nice to listen to music as i work on my laptop. dinner time was hard going. i refused to eat anything. two nurses tried to get me to go down to the dining room. but i refused. i was sleeping and promptly went back to sleep. then about a half hour later one of the male nurses came in and said i had to eat something because i am diabetic. so he got me a yoghurt and a banana and i ate them. i wasnt trying to be difficult by not going to the dining room but i really hate the dinners. the food is always cold and its not nice either. the potatos are stodgy. the meat is not cooked to my liking. the vegetables are hard and not done the way i like them. so why go down if i dont even like the food? sure I could have had a yoghurt or some bread and cheese. but i dont know I was just in a mood and didnt want to eat. natasha came in after lunch and asked me if I’d eaten. i told her yes i ate a yoghurt and a banana and she said ok and left it at that. i rang my mom after lunch but she was just about to have her dinner and so didnt want to talk to me. it made me feel rejected so i promptly hung up on her. i felt sad that they were all eating a nice dinner in moms house and here i was stuck in the hospital with horrible food and no one to talk to. i rang back after about half an hour and we did talk. i felt sorry that i’d reacted so badly like a spoiled brat. so yeah thats where things are at this afternoon. i’m still in my pajamas. didnt even bother to get dressed today. just having a lazy sorta sunday.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

4 thoughts on “the afternoon is dragging”

  1. I was also very anxious today and I also didn’t see any clear reason of that and I think it’s common that people feel anxiety and don’t know why exactly. I suppose it can be affected by your recent flashbacks and hope they won’t appear very quickly ’cause you really need some rest from them. I understand that you don’t want to eat while you’re anxious. I hardly ever can eat anything when I’m anxious or stressed and if this food is really so disgusting, the more I understand you don’t want to eat it. It’s horrible when people say you must eat, even if they do it with clearly good intentions. And I understand that you felt rejected when your mum didn’t want to talk to you. I think I could feel the same in your situation, rejected and alone, even if I knew that my mum didn’t reject me, she just wants to eat her dinner.

    Liked by 1 person

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