Our Birthday

so our birthday is coming up. on april 19th. and its a huge trigger for us. and i’m scared. my family want to go out. i agreed because i dont want to disappoint them. they want and expect me to just be normal. so that is what i am trying to do. i am trying to put up a front but really i am dying inside. really i want to run and hide. i want to cover up my head and hide underneath a blanket and spend all of my birthday inside in my house. away from people. on my own. but i wont be doing that. its probably for the best that i wont. but man. its so difficult. i’m just feeling triggered already even thinking about it. i dont know how i’ll cope. i have a little bit of a plan. since eileen is out of the country that week, i plan to ask dr. barry if i can see her twice that week. i know she wont be on vacation. that will help some. at least one of my safe people is here and will be around for me. eileen being gone is not ideal. i hate hate therapy breaks with avengance. so i’ll slap on a happy face and go out with my family and pretend to be happy when really i’m not. because that is what i do. tats what i’m good at. its how i live. its how i function.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

15 thoughts on “Our Birthday”

  1. For the first time in my life I realise that for other people it is the same with their birthdays. It is also a huge trigger for me but I do not really know why. I wish you a good day anyway despite the hard time.


  2. Birthdays and all celebrations can be hard, I’m sorry to hear your T won’t be around. You have a few days to discuss with your insiders what you can do to make it different this year. I think that is a good plan. Maybe ask the littles what they want to do that is within reason? Take care of yourselves. -Lora

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I know how hard it is to keep up a ‘front’ for other people and pretending to be happy when in fact, you feel like you don’t want to go on any longer 😦 . It’s a good idea to ask if you can see Dr Barry more than once that week as Eileen is away and I know you will miss her. I hate therapy breaks too – I’ve got one this week and I’m dreading it. Having said all that, I do hope you manage to enjoy some of your birthday at least although I understand it won’t be an easy day. Stay strong. Love Ellie xxx ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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