so i met with denise who is the co-ordinator of the basement club. colette is my mentor but colette had a day off today so I asked denise if i could meet with her and she agreed. we had a good chat. i told her i was hallucinating and hearing voices. i had never shared this with her or with any of the staff at the basement club before. yes we all have mental health difficulties down there but usually people keep things to themselves unless they are incrisis. like, we dont talk about mental illness and mental health difficulties all day every day. so denise did not know i heard voices or had psychotic symptoms. she doesnt even know i have did. all she knows is I am diagnosed with a mental illness. they dont ask when you become a member what your diagnosis is. if you want to share that with them you can, but it is not a requirement. but today i did share with her that i dissociate and that i hear voices. and she was very compassionate and sympatehetic. she has worked in the mental health field for 25 years so she is very experienced with working with people who hear voices and have psychosis. she said while she doesnt understand what its like to be me, because only i know how i feel and what its like to be me, that its ok for me to talk to her about the voices. she asked me if i challenge them or sware at them or give out to them tell them to go away be quiet etc. i said no, not really. that i am scared of them because they are threatening to me and commanding and telling me to hurt myself and others. she told me that i could stay in the basement for the afternoon which i did. i only left at 4 PM to go home. we talked about me staying in my moms tonight. but my mom is acting all huffy saying i did not say anything was happening and how could i go from being bright and cheery to being like this, saying that its doctor barrys fault for changing my meds. that before i had a med change i had no problem. the problem is not that i had a med change, the problem is that i havent been able to get the new med, and now its about 5 weeks since i got an injection. and the psychosis is always worse when i have no medication in my system. my mom jus doesnt understand. nothing i say or do will make her get it. so staying there tonight isnt an option. i will just have to use distraction techniques to get me through the rest of tonight. i think i can manage it. i tried to get my friend norma to come over but she’s busy. i will probably phone her and phone my other friened rose, watch some tv, read, and do email and write my blog and read others blogs. all of those things will help me to get through tonight until i can see dr. barry tomorrow. and hopefully dr. barry will know what is the best thing to do. i’m counting on her to know. i’m putting my trust in her. she knows me better than almost anyone, she knows how i am and what i need.