its 5 Am and I’m still up. I cant sleep. I’ve been on the internet, because lying there thinking, was just not good for me mentally. My thoughts were racing. I was thinking god, I should have drank tonight. Then I’d have slept. Now I’m wide awake. And the likelihood is I wont sleep. My mood is starting to dip. Whether its just the coming down from a high, I dont know. But I am starting to overthink, catastrophise, my mind is starting to go to dark places. Is there ever a reprieve from the torment? I really think not. I think too its the fact its night time, its dark, and I am the only one in the house awake. Even the dog is sleeping peacefully beside me. Its lonely. And there is that little bit of fear too. Fear of the night and all it brings. Fear to go to sleep. Fear in case I’ll have nightmares, or flashbacks. Fear that is crippling. God this never ends!
If anyones around I could use a hug.