its allie. i am so happy right now. i got to spend some time in therapy yesterday with eileen. i gave her a card that we had for her for st. patricks day. and she loved it. she said it was amazing and thanked me for it. then we were talking about our relationship. and how i was so sad that she wasnt my mom. and that i had to share her with her kids. and i hate that. and she said its really difficult for you to know i am there for you and with you, even though i am not. that even though i am not there physically, i am there in spirit. i said yes it was. so we talked about it for a while. and she said you know the room we made inside? the room with me in it? i was like yeah? i go there sometimes. she said maybe you could go there more often. maybe you could go visit me in there when you find it hard to find me out here. and she said you can keep emailing me. and even tho i dont respond to the emails, i always read them. know that i think of you always when i read them. your on my mind a lot even tho you are not here or i am not physically with you. i still love and care about you. it felt so good when she said that. it was just nice and i felt all warm and fuzzy. we talked about me being a watcher. eileen said i did not need to do that job any more, that it was up to the adults in the system to take responsibility for the kids. and she would help them to do that. i’m glad about that. being a watcher its hard. and i want to be able to be a kid. i want to do kid stuff. i want to have fun. i love eileen so much. she is an awesome therapist.