Journal prompt: why am I trying to become something I don’t want to be when all that I want is out there when I know who I am”

why am I trying to become something I don’t want to be when all that I want is out there when I know who I am”

What I dont want to be is depressed. Or anxious. Or have up and down moods. I want to be happy. I want to be normal whatever that looks like. I want to be free from the memories and flashbacks of abuse. I want to have a good life. I want to feel content.

I want to be able to relax and be present in my body and mindful and be able to meditate without feeling like its some foreign concept.

I hope I get there some day.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

12 thoughts on “Journal prompt: why am I trying to become something I don’t want to be when all that I want is out there when I know who I am””

  1. Well, I think you have normal feelings even though your situation isn’t normal. You want to get a job or go to school; you want to get out and meet people and be part of the community. You love your parents, sister and niece and nephew plus other members of your extended family. You’re a loyal friend to your friends. You enjoy reading and writing; you like to watch TV and listen to music. All these are things that “normal” people do. Your poetry writing makes you stand out because not everyone likes or has the talent to do that. Some people think being normal is boring. That’s why you see these TV shows where people will do the most bizarre things to stand out from the crowd.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sure you’ll get there someday soon, Carol anne. You’re doing very well even though you have more than your fair share of problems and issues to deal with. I think there are many of us who don’t know they really are in the world. I know that, at the moment, I don’t even know what ‘content’ means, let alone ‘normal’. I’m hoping it’s just going to a fairly brief blip but am not sure, Ellie xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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