its alicia. and i am sad. i really would like to be able to email dr. barry. but i dont have her email address. and i’m too scared to ask her for it. i dont think she will like it if i had it. i think she would probably say she needs her time and space and that i am not allowed to contact her between sessions. that makes me sad. at least i have our therapist eileen. i am allowed to email her. i should be happy right? but i am not. she doesnt respond to my emails. that is our agreement. and i hate it. i want a response. i feel so alone and lonely right now. my heart hurts and i want to cry. it feels like nobody loves me. i just feel sad and like i dont matter. i want to matter to dr. barry when i am not with her. but i dont think i do. i will never be her little girl. i will never be able to be adopted by her. or by eileen. and thats all i want. i just want one of them to be my mom.