i want dr. barry or eileen to be my mom, sad feelings

its alicia. and i am sad. i really would like to be able to email dr. barry. but i dont have her email address. and i’m too scared to ask her for it. i dont think she will like it if i had it. i think she would probably say she needs her time and space and that i am not allowed to contact her between sessions. that makes me sad. at least i have our therapist eileen. i am allowed to email her. i should be happy right? but i am not. she doesnt respond to my emails. that is our agreement. and i hate it. i want a response. i feel so alone and lonely right now. my heart hurts and i want to cry. it feels like nobody loves me. i just feel sad and like i dont matter. i want to matter to dr. barry when i am not with her. but i dont think i do. i will never be her little girl. i will never be able to be adopted by her. or by eileen. and thats all i want. i just want one of them to be my mom.


Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

4 thoughts on “i want dr. barry or eileen to be my mom, sad feelings”

  1. I’m sorry Alicia. Feeling lonely is hard. Maybe someone inside can take you to somewhere fun to play. I know it’s not the same as having someone outside to talk to and be connected to. Our littles like having outside people to play with but when that’s not possible they can have fun with each other. And we can make hot chocolate and read to them to help them feel more secure. I know its not the same but it helps. going inside so we dont have to know about out here helps sometimes too. Maybe you can go play inside with some inside friends and not be out until your next appt with your T or Doc so the time doesn’t get to you?? IDK just suggestions. -Lora


  2. I’m sorry you’re having sad feelings, Allie. the thing is, if either Eileen or Dr. Barry wer your mom, your relationship would be very different. You think you would have her all to yourself like you do now as your therapist, but it wouldn’t be like that. You would have to share her with other people, with a Dad or with brothers and sisters. Also, if you were still having sad feelings and memories problems, you would still have to go to a different therapist because your mom can’t be your therapist. It’s disappointing I know, but try to appreciate the time you have with both Eileen and Dr. Barry as it is now. Maybe you can write a letter to Eileen or Dr. Barry and read it to them the next time you have therapy. I know they want you to express yourself. I think they’d like that. Hugs. xxx

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