I saw dr. barry yesterday and it was so good to see her. We had a lot to talk about. I told her I’d struggled a lot with attachment stuff and found it really difficult to cope while she was on holiday last week. We talked it through and she asked me what I did to cope. I told her I’d written her letters every day, and used other distraction techniques when the attachment pain got really bad. She said I should give myself a ton of credit because I was doing more healathy things now, than say a year ago. A year ago I might have self harmed, or chose to overdose, when the pain got to much for me to handle. I suppose she is right. I guess the biggest thing is I am afraid of making progress. I am fearful of change. It means loss, loss of unhealthy coping mechanisms, which I know seems contradictory because wouldnt I be glad I am not doing unhealthy things? Dont get me wrong, I am glad. Its just a big change for me. I told her how much the kids had struggled. She acknowledged their struggle. Then we talked about meds. I have problems right now with dissociation and with remembering to collect my montly xeplion injection. So she asked me how I’d feel about going on trevicta, which is a 3 monthly form of xeplion. I said I was willing to give it a go. I love how she always asks my perspective and doesnt just push things on me. So from next week we are going to change over to trevicta. An injection 4 times a year is way better than having to get 12 shots a year. Hoping I dont have any adverse reactions to it. We talked about a couple of other things, mainly the job stuff that was going on recently, the fact that i was granted respite, and sleep. It was a good appointment. I asked her before I left what her perfume was called. I want to get a bottle of it so that when I start to feel bad or like I need her I can take it out and squirt it and be reminded of her. Does that sound weird? She told me anyway so she mustnt think its too weird for me to ask. I’m just glad she doesnt think I am weird for wanting that info.