she said my feelins are ok and i’m not bad or wrong for havin them

i talked to eileen. i had most of our session. i was very brave and talked to her about the things i’d been thinking bout last night. about her family. about wanting to have her all to myself, not wanting to share her with her kids or husband or family members. i told her i am jealous of them. that i want to be her kid. that i dont like that she has kids and it hurts me when she spends family time with them. and guess what? she said i am not bad. she said its not wrong to feel the way i feel. that its ok and she gets it and understands. and its normal. i was like wow! its normal? nobody ever said that to me. i always thought i was crazy or sick or something for feeling the way i did. i thought i was the most abnormal person on the planet. jealous of my therapists family. jealous of her kids because they had her as a mom and i didnt. and she just normalised it for me. she said she understood. and it felt so good. i felt really validated. she said i am very wise. young but wise. that kinda made me smile. i guess 9 year olds dont normally talk bout this stuff. but we did today. and im so glad we did. it was such a relief to get it out there. she said its ok if i am angry with her. that its ok to be angry. anger wont kill me. and do i know its ok to feel it now. its safe. i said i wasnt sure. but i am trying to let myself feel all of my feelings, and know that its ok. cuz eileen said so. and i trust her. and i believe her. thanks eileen for making me feel normal and for validating my experience. your just the best.

licia

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

6 thoughts on “she said my feelins are ok and i’m not bad or wrong for havin them”

  1. Wow, Allie, I’m really proud of you!! Your feelings are quite normal. I used to have those feelings, too. When I was around your age, I wasn’t happy at home and I had a friend who had two older sisters that really spoiled her. I used to wish I was her sister so her sisters would spoil me, too. I used to want to go home with her all the time. I never did, though. I used to read books about kids my age and pretend I was in their families. It’s quite normal. It’s not the feelings that are bad, it’s what you do with them that can get you into trouble. You’re doing the right things with yours. Being Allie is a very good thing. Yay!! xxx

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