I am feeling so overwhelmed by having to go to therapy today. I feel this huge resistance and I dont want to talk. I dont want to be vulnerable. I want to run away and hide. These feelings are trickling down from others in the system. Mainly AJ and Cora. Both of them were really freaking out last night. They are feeling very unsure and are very afraid. I know Eileen is safe. Rationally I know that. But I cant help but feel a bit unsettled. I dont want to discuss memories. I dont want to talk about pain and emotions. I wish I was normal. I wish I didnt have did. I wish I wasnt so messed up. I wish I didnt have attachment disorder. Wishing doesnt make things go away though. I love eileen and feel connected to her most of the time. However right now I am not feeling the connection. I just feel hollow. Thats not her fault though. Its me, I am fucked up.