hard therapy session this week. Willow and AJ had therapy time

Therapy was very intense yesterday. I didnt end up having any of the session. It was shared between Willow and AJ. Willow is 21 and AJ is 14.
Willow arrived and was very resistant to being there. She was having a bit of an I want to push Eileen away moment. She asked the taxi driver to stop off on the way so she could grab a coffee, I was surprised at that. Thats normally something liz would do. When we got to Eileens office we had a couple of minutes to spare. Eileen had left a heater in the middle of the floor and we almost tripped over it. So when Eileen came in to her office Willow jumped on her about leaving something in our path. Eileen was very apologetic and said now you know Im not perfect which made us laugh.
Anyway back to the resistance. Willow was able to say to Eileen that she was feeling it. Which I thought was good progress. Eileen told her to notice it but not to push it away. They talked for a while about depression and whether it is an illness or not. Eileen says she doesnt see our low mood and anxiety as illnesses, that we are dealing with a lot right now and anyone in our situation would be depressed and anxious. She said it is not pathalogical. That its ok for us to be feeling this way. Willow said she wants it to be an illness, because she would like a way out, not to have to take responsibility for things. So they explored that for a while.
Then AJ came forward. She was angry and irritable ad wanted to chew Eileen out. She had been pretty active this weekend. Under all that anger though was hurt and emotional overwhelm. Eileen was very kind to her. She told her it was ok for her to be angry and that shed still be here. They talked and AJ cried. She cried for about 20 minutes. Then she said I need something. what do you need? Eileen asked. AJ faltered. I need, I need a hug. Eileen got up and came over and hugged us hard. She kept saying its ok, your ok, its ok, i promise its ok. We were shaking and crying hard. She didnt let go of us for about 5 minutes. When we pulled apart she offered us her hand and we held hands for the remainder of the session. It felt so comforting. Eileen just feels so safe. We talked about touch and how important we feel it is for us because we cant see her face. She said I agree with you and I hear you and I am taking that on bord. I said I know some people dont agree with it but for us it feels right. She asked me if any insider had issues with her touching us or hugging us and I said not to my knowledge. She said its not that people dont agree with it persay but its just that we have to make sure its for the right reasons. She told me that its important for me to know that she doesnt want anything in return, that she isnt doing this for gratification, that its something that she is doing just to be with us and with our pain. I believe her. So yeah the session was intense which is probably why I overreacted about the thing with dr. Barry. In the end Eileen asked Liz and me and some other insiders to support AJ over the coming week. AJ said she could only handle one person supporting her so she picked Liz to be the one to do it. Liz is the right person anyway for the job as she has been where AJ is now. So yeah, a good but intense session.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

4 thoughts on “hard therapy session this week. Willow and AJ had therapy time”

  1. I’m glad you had a good session even if you weren’t a part of it today. I also think that touch is important for us blind folks. I know that some cultures are mor or less touchy-feely than others. Even some families are mor touchy-feely than others. I know my family is not really very “huggy” but I’ve been blessed with friends who are much more huggy than I am and they’ve taught me not to be embarrassed by it. That’s why I think it’s good you have Nitro. she’s a warm, breathing body and he likes to be touched. My dog does too. I’m co continually impresse with Eileen. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: she’s a treasure.

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    1. Yes she is amazing I am so lucky to have her I really really thank my lucky stars every time I see her because she never shies away from exploring things and she’s always so open warm compassionate honest gentle and kind. XX

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  2. I agree, touch is very healing- when done the appropriate and nurturing way. We are able to experience that too. It is comforting to all my parts- even the ones who think they don’t need it. šŸ˜‰ I’m grateful Eileen is attune to the needs of all of you! But mostly, that you all can ask!

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