i am feeling an immense sadness. i really really want to call or text eileen. but its gone 10 PM. so i cant. i wouldnt do that this late at night. she never said I couldnt, but its just me, I wouldnt. if i still feel this low tomorrow, I will text or call her. ill also talk to the weekend team, to whomever calls to see me. night time is always the worst for me. i just wish eileen was holding me, i need a hug. i need to be in her arms where it feels safe. i can feel very young parts nearby. they are craving attention and love. they are so sad and anxious. we all feel it really not just the young parts. but its coming from them more than the older parts. we dont like being alone. and we want our therapist. or dr. barry. we will see dr. barry on MOnday. we really want someone to talk to about everything. someone safe, thats either our therapist eileen or dr. barry. someone to just spill everything out to and who will know what to say and what to do. its so hard to act normal and be ok around our family. when we just arent ok. were barely surviving. hanging on by a thin thread. everything feels so hopeless. my heart is breaking. memories are engulfing our body. threatening to swallow us up. i feel alone and lonely and overwhelmed and sad and like im drowning. and i want a strong person, like eileen, or dr. barry to hug me and hold me and tell me everythings going to be ok. and im safe. and they are here and they are not leaving. i just, i need the reassurance.
carol anne
Therapy Bits 
I know i am not Eileen or Dr. Barry but I am here. I am not doing too good myself, though. Been a shitty day. I’ll be up the next few hours if you need me.
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Seems we both had a shit day, many hugs for you my friend, I hope you’re okay XX
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more than you know my friend. maybe tomorrow you can send me your poems so I can work on them during the week. I could set up an account for Kindle but it would be for America and not Ireland
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Yes please do, would you need my love information to do that could you set one up for me, using a Gmail email address I only wanted published in America anyway, XXX
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Many hugs for many of you. I think it’s probably safe to text Eileen anytime as if she’s asleep she won’t get the text until tomorrow anyway. It’s not like calling her on the phone and waking her up. Also, since she’s not there to give you a hug and your body needs the physical contact, you might want to go and snuggle against Nitro. Get down on the floor with him if you have to, put your arms around him and your head on his body. Get as close as possible so the body will know it’s not alone. It’s not perfect, but perhaps it will help a little. xxxx
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Yes that helped, I did that, it felt so good to get down on the floor and be with him, just what I needed
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