i am feeling an immense sadness. i really really want to call or text eileen. but its gone 10 PM. so i cant. i wouldnt do that this late at night. she never said I couldnt, but its just me, I wouldnt. if i still feel this low tomorrow, I will text or call her. ill also talk to the weekend team, to whomever calls to see me. night time is always the worst for me. i just wish eileen was holding me, i need a hug. i need to be in her arms where it feels safe. i can feel very young parts nearby. they are craving attention and love. they are so sad and anxious. we all feel it really not just the young parts. but its coming from them more than the older parts. we dont like being alone. and we want our therapist. or dr. barry. we will see dr. barry on MOnday. we really want someone to talk to about everything. someone safe, thats either our therapist eileen or dr. barry. someone to just spill everything out to and who will know what to say and what to do. its so hard to act normal and be ok around our family. when we just arent ok. were barely surviving. hanging on by a thin thread. everything feels so hopeless. my heart is breaking. memories are engulfing our body. threatening to swallow us up. i feel alone and lonely and overwhelmed and sad and like im drowning. and i want a strong person, like eileen, or dr. barry to hug me and hold me and tell me everythings going to be ok. and im safe. and they are here and they are not leaving. i just, i need the reassurance.