Moms scan and the results, its not good news

so today was the day mom had her scan. we got up at 6 AM. mom was fasting so she couldnt eat breakfast. I ate and then showered and got dressed. we left for the hospital at 7:45. when we got there mom checked in. then she had to drink x ray dye, she had to drink a couple of glasses of that. they mixed it with juice so it didnt taste too bad. eventually she was called in to have her scan. my aunt who is her sister had come with us as well so while mom was in having the scan we had a coffee. after the scan we had to go upstairs to the reapid access lung clinic for her results. the scan she had was a thorax scan. we got up stairs and a nurse took her in to an office to weigh her and do her height. then a second nurse took her to another office to talk to her about quitting cigarettes. she has already quit cigarettes but she smokes an E cig. after that we had to wait for the doctor. eventually he called her in and me and my aunt went in with her. basically he said that the middle of her right lung is totally collapsed. we already knew that. he said that there is something in the tube of the lung, a tumour, but he couldnt really see it clearly even though she got the dye in her body today. so he is bringing her back for more tests. over the next two weeks she will have to have a pet scan. a pet scan basically shows up any active parts of the body that shouldnt be active. so if there are cells there or if the organs are doing any weird things it will show up. so she will have that some time over the next week or two. then on February 2nd she has to go in for a biopsy. they will put a camera down into her lung and see what is going on in there. she will go in for the day as a day patient to have that done. she will get the results of that the same day. so basically on feb 2nd we will have a complete and full diagnosis. i am a wreck. i have held it together but just barely. my mind is doing 90, my thoughts are going miles a minute. i mean the tumour could benon cancerous but then again it could be cancerous. we just wont know until further tests are done. the fact that she has a tumour scares the living life out of me. i just did not want it to go this way. and we still dont have answers. after we finished in the rapid access lung clinic we went to have some food. i tried to gage how mom was doing but shes putting up a brave front. i feel like i am the only one whose worrying. no one else in the family is saying much of anything, not even my sister. i feel so alone with all of this. i could really use support right now guys. a huge weight feels like its crushing my chest. it feels like it is going to swallow me up. im trying very hard to be strong for mom. its not easy though. somethings gonna give soon and i think when it does Ill completely lose it and fall apart.

Author: Carol anne

I am 40 years young. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

14 thoughts on “Moms scan and the results, its not good news”

  1. I know things are scary right now and I wish I could say that things will be okay but I just don’t know if they will be. I went through the same things you are when my father was diagnosed with liver cancer. We didn’t have a good relationship like your mom. I had sectioned him off my life a long time ago but I do remember thinking that I am going to lose my father and that did scare me. Unfortunately, I am not a medical person so I don’t know what to say other than things might not be as bad as they seem right now. You have support through the blog community and that is great. You are not alone in this and I think reaching out is a good thing. You have my private email so please use it if you want to vent privately. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much I really appreciate that, I will email you. I will need all the support I can get right now. I am so worried and so obsessed. I don’t know what to do. Hopefully it won’t be that bad though. XXX


  2. Sending you support and I’m not certain what to say except that in my own way I understand. I still remember the day I received the phone call that my mom had a heart attack and stroke on the same day. I still remember lying next to my dad who was dying of pancreatic cancer. I still remember running out of the doctor’s office and sitting alone in my car after finding out that my hubby had cancer. In the moment it makes you spin and yes, your mind goes 90 miles an hour and the heaviness feels crushing. Somehow you will find strength and the ability to breathe in kindness. My T just shared with me that even amidst suffering we can find many beautiful moments of hope and grace along with the tears, these moments are always possible when we open ourselves to them. Sometimes suffering can become overwhelming and we forget the peace that is possible if we step out of our thoughts and stories. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are right I hope I can find peace with this. Right now everything seems so overwhelming. I’m just so sad so upset. I just hope things will be okay and she can have treatment and maybe she will be okay. XXX

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hang in there, Carol Anne. I think everyone worries in their own way. I’m sure your mom is probably worried, but she has other things to worry about too, like your dad. Laura has the kids and her family to tend to. Make sure you keep Eileen and Dr. Barry in the loop. If you’re going to fall apart, make sure it’s in the hospital where it’s safe to fall apart. I hope it doesn’t get to that, though. We’re all just a click away or probably a phone call away for some of your friends. Meanwhile, still praying. Hugs. xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Deb, I appreciate your support. I’m trying my best. That’s all I can do. I will keep Eileen and Doctor Barry in the loop I already told Eileen what was going on. I will tell Doctor Barry on Wednesday. XXX


  4. Oh my gosh, hearing that news must have been very scary. It sounds like she has a very smart doctor though who will be very thorough and make sure nothing is missed. Seems like all the testing will get you more clarification. I hope for the best and I completely understand your worry! It’s your mom and there is the unknown and the unknown is scary. But fortunately she has a doctor looking into everything. So we can hope she will be ok. Thinking of you. Hope you can get some rest.

    Liked by 1 person

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