had a pretty awful start to my morning. feel really bad. feel like i am not able to cope. the feelings of wanting to be dead are overwhelming. debating whether or not to tell a nurse how i am feeling. there was a change over and different nurses are on duty this morning than the ones who have been on duty since i came on the ward.
maybe i should just tell them. i dont want my stuff taken away though. i’ll go crazy with nothing to do. i went down for breakfast and ate a good breakfast of cerial and toast. i said i’d try cerial this morning. and i’m glad i did. my blood sugars are kind of all over the place at the moment.
but back to how i’m feeling. depressed, sad, worried, overwhelmed. all of those feelings dont make a great combination. i dont have a plan but i seriously dont want to be here. maybe as the day goes on I’ll feel differently. my mom is coming to visit tonight, after all. that is a positive thing and I am looking forward to seeing her.
some days just feel so hard. its how to get through them. how to survive. I have too though. I dont really have a choice.