First session with dr. Barry on the ward, and other odds and ends

so yesterday we saw dr. barry. i didnt think we’d see her because she doesnt normally see patients on Friday. But she came and got us and we went to he r office to talk. A junior doctor and a medical student wer in there also. I really didnt care. I opened up and talked to dr. barry. We talked about suicide and myplans. I told her that I had made plans, I was going to slit my wrists, then I thought that wont work, so I decided I’d take all of my pills that I had in the house, then I decided that I’d probably survive that too, so I decided to burn the house down with me in it. So yeah as you can see really severe thoughts of suicide. I think dr. barry was a little taken aback when I said I was planning on burning the house down. She said you’ve never had thoughts like that before. Which is true, I havent.
We talked about my anxiety. I asked her for something for the anxiety and she wants to increase my lyrica, I already take 300 MG of it at night. She wants to add more in. I’m not convinced the lyrica works to be honest. I wish she would have said I could have ativan. I may ask her on Tuesday if I can have some. The anxiety has been so high and really bothering me.
We talked about my ptsd symptoms. I told her they were flaring up, and i was having a lot of flashbacks. I was also startling really easily. She said she thought it was all stress related, and due to all the pressure I was under which is probably true.
Other odds and ends are…my mom. i rang her a couple times yesterday but she refused to really engage with me. She was cold, and distant. She actually asked me if I was enjoying it in the hospital. I think she really thinks I like it here. She was really hurtful to me and so too was my dad. I could hear him in the background and he was saying how I didnt care about my dog, I only cared about myself etc. Dr. barry had told me I did the right thing coming for help, that I have to look after myself in all this. She said she thinks my mom will come around but I doubt it very much. Mom told me to get kristen my PA to get clothes for me. So I called her and she said she’d do it on sunday. She’s going to come to the hospital get the key from me and go to my house and get some clothes. I have two sets with me but thats only going to get me through the weekend.
The ward is pretty quiet, i know two of the patients in here. Annabelle and donna. They are members of the basement club. The rest of the patients I dont know. One is very wound up all of the time. One doesnt want to be here and keeps crying saying she wants to go home etc. That is distressing. I’m lucky though, it could be a lot worse. Today Saturday there wont be too much going on. It will be a quiet day.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

12 thoughts on “First session with dr. Barry on the ward, and other odds and ends”

  1. I’m glad you saw Dr. barry. I am sorry you are feeling so suicidal. I know what it is like because I struggle with it all the time. I hope you feel better soon and that the PTSD calms down enough so you can go home. I know stress always triggers a suicidal episode for me too. You certainly have a lot of stress going on in your life right now that you can’t control. I think it’s harder when you can’t control it, when it’s out of your hands. I am here for you. I understand. HUGS

    Liked by 1 person

  2. glad you got to see dr barry so quickly. but sorry to hear about how your mom is being…but maybe she is having a harder time dealing with it right now on top of what’s going on with her too. i know she is kinda like that anyway, but maybe this time it is worse? i am glad you decided to get the help you needed tho, and to take care of yourself and hope you feel more stable soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope you can ward off feeling badly about your parents’ abusive comments. You did the right thing by coming to the hospital. You took care of your dog the best you could and how would it benefit him if you did stay home with him and then up injuring yourself? You aren’t being selfish — you are being intelligent. Which comes as no surprise to those of us who read your blog. I am sending you a big hug.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sorry your mom and dad aren’t understanding where you’re coming from. I just think it’s the old stigma of mental illness. If you had a physical illness that had you in and out of the hospital I expect there would be more understanding. I’m glad you’re able to see Dr. Barry. That must be comforting.

    Liked by 1 person

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