we saw dr. barry this morning. she was only working for 2 hours and she was only seeing a few people. we mostly talked about christmas, and how we got through it. i told her it was mostly good, and we enjoyed it. she knew i was spending it with my mom and dad. we talked about the contact I’d had with eileen on christmas day and I told her about the email I wrote eileen on christmas eve where I reflected about our work together. she asked me if it was the first time I’d sent eileen such an email. I said that because eileen had responded well to the previous email I and Liz sent about a week ago, where we talked about hard things, that it felt important to send her this one too about our work together and telling her how much I appreciate her and how far I think we’ve come, how much progress we’ve made. I was telling dr. barry about how in our last session with Eileen, we talked about being stable. How we crave stability so badly but then when we get it we somehow seem to sabbotage it. Dr. barry said its a case of sometimes better the devil you know. That sometimes we all go back to old coping skills and mechanisms. That we are so used to doing the unstable dance, that its hard when things get stable to keep it that way. She was very understanding about all of it though. We talked about the weekend team phoning me and she said she’d put in another referral for this coming weekend. I told her how my engagement with them is mostly on a very superficial level, because I dont know most of them so I dont feel safe opening up to them. She said that was ok, that I didnt have to if I didnt want to. I am glad for the check ins though. And knowing that if things got really bad they’d be able to do something in dr. barrys absence. I dont see dr. barry again now until next Wednesday. Things will go back to normal then and I will see her twice a week again. Everyone on my mental health team is back at work from next Tuesday.