PLEASE

LET ME DIE. I WANT TO END IT. I CANT GO ON. I AM DONE. I HATE LIVING WITH THE FLASHBACKS AND INNER TURMOIL AND PAIN. IT HURTS TOO MUCH. GOING TO GO TO BED AND READ TO TRY TO TAKE MY MIND OFF MY MISERY. I HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF THAT NITRO NEEDS ME. HE NEEDS ME TO STAY HERE AND LOOK AFTER HIM. I AM NEEDED, I AM LOVED, ITS HARD TO REMEMBER THAT SOMETIMES THOUGH.

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Author: manyofus1980

I am a woman in my mid 30's. I'm blind and I have dissociative identity disorder, I also have complex PTSD. I blog about my life with these disorders. I live in Ireland.

26 thoughts on “PLEASE”

  1. Flashbacks are so very hard. They are so intrusive and I fight against them like I am fighting a war to not let them win, they may come but they won’t beat me and I pray they won’t beat you either.

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  2. Please, you are needed and loved. Please, I understand it hurts but you have to hang on for a bit more. I promise you will be fine. Please, you are needed and loved. Please, do not die yet. There is so much to live for. Please.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The people that hurt the most are the nicest people, don’t give up…flashbacks occur because of trauma that your mind hasn’t dealt with, a trick I used to do was everytime a past memory or anxiety came into my mind I used to imagine putting it in a pocket inside my head, and then I would focus on what I had over come, at night when the children had gone to bed I would dedicate ten minutes where I sat in silence and let all the flashbacks occur, but with each one I would feel into the emotion and then let it go…try not to give too much energy to the negative, and focus on the positive things in your life.

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  4. Just remember that suicide is a very selfish act. It may appear to solve the problem of the person commiting suicide, but it doesn’t solve the problem of the ones left behind. You are loved and needed by many people, plus your furry boy. All would be extremely angry-along with grief-stricken-if you did something like that. To be angry and sad at the same time is not a good feeling. By the time you read this, I hope you aren’t feeling that way anymore. Hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I went to bed shortly after I wrote that post. I slept and now I feel much better. I slept for most of the day. Was feeling too bad to do much of anything else. Thanks for commenting as always. XX

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      1. the thing that concerns me is your extremes of peeks and valleys. I’m wondering if your meds are having anything to do with this. Do you have to test occasionally to see if the right amount of medication is in your system? I hate to see you up, down, up, down like this. Have you ever had to go into the hospital to be stabilized medically? I did once and that was just for depression. I know you hate to have to do that. You might check with Dr. Barry to see what she thinks might be going on. Meanwhile, could you get extra check-ins?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ve been in the hospital many times. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes not. I could get extra check ins I last talk to Barry about it. I think it’s just the illness, it’s just stressors and things that cause the ups and downs

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      3. I see. Well, I send you prayers and hugs. Also, I am amazed at how quickly you get these. It seems like I just posted it and then, zing, you’ve answered it andit’s in my mailbox. Ain’t technology fun?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Do you read Braille at all? I’m always curious because I’ve always been a big Braille reader but I know many people aren’t now. Do you use a Bluetooth keyboard to write your replies? I can’t imagine doing a lot of typing on the phone screen. I’m just slow.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I can read Braille but I don’t read it very much. I use dictation to type my replies. I have an iPhone. Sometimes dictation doesn’t work too well though. It just depends

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